MY COLLEGE ESSAY: THE FIRST THREE DRAFTS
First Draft

	Why should I be admitted into your highly prestigious university? Well, just looking at my grades, you will notice that I am well above the average student in my class. Also, I fulfilled the volunteer hour requirement at my high school. As a member of the school track team, my attendance at meets was excellent. In everything I have done, I have tried my best, even though I might not have succeeded. I am similar to a modern day "Rocky." You can be sure that I will try equally hard (with hopefully better results) at your school. 
	In order to achieve these things, I have had to overcome my share of obstacles. My school is in a neighborhood that is often described as "decrepit" or "run-down." Every day I have to be on the lookout for suspicious persons and avoid dangerous situations. My school may be a magnet school for bright teens, and I may live several miles away from the area, but the walk from the bus stop to the school entrance is fraught with peril. 
	My home life has been difficult at times, too. I have had to come to terms with the fact that my father was often distant and not very emotionally supportive, although he frequently took me to baseball games. My mother nags me incessantly. With all of the chores I have to do, such as taking the garbage out, it's a wonder I haven't dropped out of school! 	
	Also, my great aunt, who I had met a couple times, got cancer.

Second Draft

	You might ask yourself, "Why should we let this student into our exceptionally rigorous university, with a long tradition of excellence?" I'll tell you why. Although my grades were not at the top of the class, I took very difficult classes, including several AP courses. My class ranking, far from showing a lack of effort on my part, indicates how academically competitive my school is, with many students getting into universities even more prestigious than yours each year. Instead of spending all of my time studying, I worked at a soup kitchen, feeding the needy. Not because I had to; I felt a sense of duty towards the less fortunate. Once I fed a man who could not move his arms.
	I say "less fortunate," but in reality one might not consider me all that fortunate. I live in an area that is often described as "potentially dangerous" or "unsafe at night." Every day, I must walk a mile to school because I cannot afford a car. I pass by former crack houses and corners where prostitutes occasionally gather, and sometimes I must avoid gang hang-outs so I don't get mugged. Sometimes, I hear gunfire, and have even witnessed a drug deal or two! Somehow, I have managed to stay in school and off of drugs. I even starred on the track team. 
	My home life is just as dangerous as the street, sometimes. My mother is usually gone at one of her two jobs, so I must care for my three siblings and make sure the house is presentable. When it isn't, my father has no qualms about hitting me hard enough to knock me to the floor. I have had to hide some of my homework because if my father sees it he will become angry, saying I "don't need no book-learning." My aunt, whom I was very close to, got cancer, making my situation even more difficult and maudlin, not unlike the tough life Rocky Balboa has in the beginning of "Rocky."
	Did I mention my SAT scores?

Third Draft
		
	My life has been very difficult. Sometimes, I don't know how I survived. And not only did I survive, I did better academically than most of the students in my class! I took AP courses because I believe, as your university does, that learning is very important. I also was a star on my track team, winning many races and running a four-minute mile. Before our final meet, I was injured helping a one-legged old woman cross the street and could not run. Instead, I gave a speech to the team that brought them to tears, and inspired them to win the championship. In a lot of ways, my life is like "Rocky," but not the first one because I don't lose.
	My normal day starts when my father wakes me up by beating me horribly. He does it not only to rouse me, he also likes the exercise. After showering and dressing to hide my bruises, I must walk five miles to school wearing shoes that have holes in them. My neighborhood is called "crime ridden" and "a ghetto." I am not mugged by the various gangs the rove the streets because they know I have no money, but sometimes they shoot at me for fun. People offer to sell me crack, but I refuse, since I know that crack would interfere with my studies. At school, I do as well as I can, never letting any of my friends know how bad my life is. It would only depress them anyway.
	In the evenings, I do my homework after both my parents pass out in a drunken stupor, since they are illiterate and do not allow books in their house. I had to schedule and pay for my SAT test by myself, because they refused to. I have to keep my ten siblings from doing drugs or joining gangs and I also do all of the work around the house, including fixing the roof. I got cancer but defeated it through the power of prayer.
	Through all of this, I help those even less fortunate then I am. For example, I was instrumental in founding a soup kitchen, where I work when not busy holding my family together, fighting gang violence through non-violent methods, or studying by candlelight (we have not paid the power bill in years). I hope that at your incomparably excellent institution of higher learning, I can solve the problems facing youths such as myself. In addition, I would like a full scholarship, since I have obviously no way to pay for my education.
	Too much?