Reality of Love By George Lambert WGA Registration number 1226369 FADE IN: INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALL -- DAY--CAPTION--SAN DIEGO HIGH 1977- Gray lockers open and SLAM shut. Muscle bound jocks pick on chess club members. Hard up guys do their best at girls who could care less. Cliques of girls peer around and snicker. At what? Who friggin knows. BRANDON PARSON, freshman, a face that hints of uncertainty, IS TERRIFIED. A BELL rings. BRANDON I, I don't know guys, I think I got a touch of strep throat with a side of brain tumor. KEVIN, African American, with a take charge personality, prods Brandon to ask cutie, VAL, to the Frosh Soph. KEVIN Dude, you MAJOR in brain tumor, with a side a, I ain't got no BALLS. FINE mammas boy, I'll do it! Kevin storms off. Then, a hand clamps down on his shoulder and YANKS him back. This is JOHN. Freshman. White guy. JOHN It worked! He just salted his nuts. Said he'll do it. KEVIN Well, we gonna wait till we're seniors? And I don't mean in high school. Spanish's in 5 minutes! Brandon starts his death march. He wipes his moist forehead with the back of his hand. Stomach in knots. Hallway spins. Sounds muted. Palms sweaty. He looks back to his friends. If looks could kill, he'd be six feet under. A paper airplane darts across his determined face. He finally makes it to the unsuspecting Val. Senses come too. He taps her delicate shoulder. HERE GOES NOTHIN. BRANDON Um, Val, um, I was just, ya know, wondering if you would go ... VAL To the Frosh Soph? ... WITH YOU! She thrusts her index finger at his face. And LAUGHS! LOUD! Val, her friends, everybody JESTS AT HIM like it's the best joke they've EVER heard. The ridicule stings like a bee. He turns and sprints down the hall, as the hilarity continues. Fingers pointed at HIM, as more airplanes are tossed his way. Sound reverbs out as his face comes closer. Closer. EXT. HIGH SCHOOL SOFTBALL FIELD -- DAY-- A heart beat, THUMP, THUMP ... THUMP THUMP. Light breaths. No other sound. Bases loaded. Bottom of the sixth. Two out. Full count. San Diego up by one. Chula Vista's's last hope. A pitcher, BARRI SWINNI, freshman, has glove up, ready to deal. Her stance and stature radiate confidence. Small beads of sweat dribble down her face. She winds up and unleashes a fierce pitch for San Diego High. THUMP THUMP. Breath. Brandon, in the stands, watches with rapt attention. THUMP THUMP. Breath. The ball flies through the air to a batter that looks more like a linebacker for the football team. "She" stares the pitch down. No problem. THUMP THUMP. Breath. The shemale checks her swing. UMPIRE STRIKE THREE!! The pissed off batter tells the ump he's full of crap. The offended Ump yells back. The few fans go crazy. The team surrounds Barri. Victory! EXT. SCHOOL YARD -- CONT People disburse. Barri and Brandon hoof it towards the school. BARRI Jeez Brandon, did you have to yell lezbo? BRANDON Common Barri, you see the size of that animal? BARRI Not bad, if you like your women to shave in the morning. And I'm not talkin arm pits or legs ... so, ya ask Val to the frosh soph? BRANDON How do you throw that ball so fast? She glances his way and smiles. BARRI Well, I have some BIG news. Smacks her glove in his chest. BARRI (CONT'D) Last one to the water fountain buys the cokes. She dashes towards the school. He's surprised. BRANDON Hey, no fair. You got a way head start! His run looks like a baby giraffe who takes her first steps. Clumsy. EXT. FOSTERS FREEZE PATIO -- DAY Two cokes sit on the counter next to his change. He slaps his hand down on the change and thrusts it into his pocket. He grabs 'em and walks to Barri. She sits at a old wooden TABLE in street clothes. As he walks to her. BRANDON So, what's your big news? Get another A in Algebra? He places her victory coke next to her. He holds his. BARRI BOBBY GRIFFIN asked ME to the Senior Prom! What!? This can't happen. His world just got rocked, AGAIN! He goes to sit and totally misses the bench. BAM, on his butt. Coke spills all over him. She LAUGHS. He makes it to the TABLE, as he wipes his shirt. BARRI (CONT'D) That a to go order? BRANDON You CAN'T go to the Senior Prom. We're only freshmen. BARRI Are you EVER gonna join the rest of us on THIS planet? BRANDON That guys gonna be like, Homecoming King. BARRI And I'm gonna be right by HIS side. I just know I'm gonna marry a totally handsome guy who makes tons of money. We'll have a BIG beautiful house and he'll treat me like his ... He want's no more of this. BRANDON Oh yea Princess Leya, well, my mom says ... She smiles. BARRI Get to bed by nine. Brush your teeth, and don't forget to floss. And no girlie mag's underneath the covers. She cracks up. BRANDON I haven't told any jokes yet. BARRI Wanna bet? His head points to the ground. Bummed. BARRI (CONT'D) Listen neighbor, just RELAX around girls. Don't be such a geek. That "only child" excuse ONLY goes so far buddy. He looks up at her. If she only knew. BRANDON Common, we better get home before dark. I hear that's when old lady Witherspoon turns into a wolf and eats blonde pitchers for dinner. They chuckle. BARRI Ya see my friend. Keep THAT up, and ya might even get ME. No smile oh his face now. They get up, toss their cokes in a rusty trash can and walk away. The old TABLE remains empty. BRANDON (O.S.) Oh, hey, um, Barri, nice game. BARRI (O.S.) Oh, hey, UM, Brandon, I KNOW! SHE laughs. FADE TO BLACK EXT. SOFTBALL FIELD STANDS -- DAY--CAPTION--ALL GROWN UP?-- Just another cloudless San Diego day. Barri, 28, could be on the cover of Vogue. She sits in some sparsely populates bleachers kind of close to JULIE ANDERSON, 27. Slender, but her total package could use a total overhaul. She wears a Padre's cap. She pushes up her semi-thick wire framed glasses. They suffer through another game by a rag tag team called The Beer Frogs. Scoreboard shows 10-0, frogs on the wrong side of that zero. BARRI Common guys, last ups. Be nice to get that goose egg off the score board. DUGOUT -- The jersey logo is a passed out frog with a beer in it's hands. On the back it says "Kevin and John's Taxidermy. You love 'em? We'll stuff 'em." Brandon, 28, has grown into a older version of his 9th grade self. Still a bit of self doubt in that face. He's parked next to John and Kevin, 28. The same guys in the hallway. Brandon glances back at the stands. Kevin's wise. KEVIN Common man, Barri's been single for six months now. What are you waitin for, an invitation? This ain't high school. That Sadie Hawkins crap is over with ... Time to step up to the plate. Brandon's head whips around. He flies off the bench and grabs a bat. KEVIN (CONT'D) What are you doin? BRANDON Common Kevin, you said step up to the plate, so I'm steppin up to the plate. KEVIN See that bat in your hands? Brandon looks at the new Titanium bat dubbed "The Whopper" Smiles. BRANDON This baby's got some REAL action. JOHN How the hell would YOU know? KEVIN Well use some of that action to knock that brainless head off your body ... it's an expression. It means get off your BUTT! You wait any longer, that prize sittin up there's gonna be opened by somebody else ... AND SOON! He sits down. Looks at the bat in his hands. BRANDON I don't know, we've been friends for so long ... JOHN Jesus, if I have to hear any more of this crap, I'm gonna put a bullet in my brain. Get some guts dude. He's sick of the crap and barks at John. BRANDON I don't want to blow that John! ... Besides, why would she go out with me? Hockin all those bullshit meds to rich doctors, one of these days, Dr. Perfect's gonna put a spell on her. JOHN Is that the only one YOU could come up with? I got fifty more in my back pocket. FIELD-- The batter looks blind as he misses the pitch. SWOOSH. STRIKE THREE!! These guys ain't good. DUGOUT-- KEVIN Listen buddy, it's simple. You want her or not? BRANDON No, I actually enjoy a life of pain and suffering. It's great for my ulcer. KEVIN Ok then, we just gotta do somethin about it. You GOT that! BRANDON Loud and clear Sergeant Carter ... You got a game plan or are we just gonna march into the village and take the whole place out? Women and children first. Kevin leans back with a sinister smile plastered on his face. KEVIN Time to step up to the plate. BRANDON Will you stop saying that! KEVIN No, you idiot, you're up. Now get a hit, we need it. BAD! INT. THE SPORTSMAN BAR -- DAY Brandon, Kevin, John, Barri and Julie sit at a large round table in a nice sports bar. They enjoy pizza and beer. Brandon looks like he just got busted for smokin pot by the high school Principal. JULIE It's ok Brandon. On September 17th, 1987, Tony Gwynn struck out four times, all lookin. BRANDON And got paid gobs of money to do it. Least I went down swinging. KEVIN So Barri, you datin guys or girls these days? BARRI Girls would be A LOT less complicated, that's for sure. JOHN Be real. Girls should come with instructions tattooed on their backs. Especially what to do when THAT time of the month comes around. BARRI That's easy. SHUT UP, and we'd all just get along ... Na, I'm gonna take my time. In no hurries. JULIE Don't you think you're being a little picky? BARRI Some of us can be honey. Julie shuts up. She doesn't want to tangle with the mighty Barri. John chuckles and shakes his head. JOHN You haven't changed a bit since high school. Remember our Senior Prom? How many guys asked you to go? BARRI Senior year? Let's see, ten. All the other years, it was around six. JULIE Wow, I didn't even go to my Senior Prom. Oops. Silence. Barri chuckles. Brandon looks at her inquisitively, as she looks down at her food. Barri quiets down and then her and Brandon lock eyes. Barri brings a piece of pie to her mouth. Kevin puts his arm around Brandon. Sinister smile again. KEVIN Well, the turtle's comin out of his shell next weekend. Got himself a date. Barri chokes on some of the pepperoni pie. Sip's some coke and clears her throat. Julie's caught off guard AS WELL as the "man" himself. BARRI, JULIE AND BRANDON REALLY? Kevin SMACKS Brandon underneath the table. He winces in pain. Ouch! Julie looks down at her pizza. Barri smiles. BARRI So, do tell ... She inflatable? She from this planet? She glow in the dark? SHE come with directions? SHE have a NAME? Laughs, as all eyes are on him. He goes for the bumpy ride. BRANDON A name ... Of course she has a name. Everybody's got a name. I mean, how would we as a society get along without ... KEVIN Angela ... Common dude, that Alzheimer's settin in a few years early? BRANDON Yea, Angela ... that's her name. By the way, she's pretty hot with a smokin body. Can't wait for Saturday night. Yea ... Can't wait. Barri shoots a tentative look, as Julie chomps on pizza. John covers his laugh with his napkin. Brandon slugs the rest of his liquid courage. Kevin smiles. This game's on. INT. BRANDON'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT Brandon paces around the living room of his sparsely decorated one bedroom unit like an expectant father in a hospital. Keith, cool as ice, clears a place for him to sit on the couch. The sports section now occupies a place on the floor. BRANDON Angela? That was the name of my babysitter, and she used to beat me and lock me in my room when her boyfriend came over. What a bitch ... Just what the hell was that all about anyway? KEVIN It's as obvious as that messed up nose on your face. She wants you, it's just she don't know it yet. So, we get you a few dates, she sees you're in demand ... Brandon stands in his living room. Hair's a mess, clothes a mess, living room a mess, kitchen a mess, bathroom a mess. Kevin stops for a beat, then continues. KEVIN (CONT'D) ... she comes to her senses. And the next thing ya know, ole Jed's a millionaire. It's that simple. BRANDON Dates! Dates? I don't go on dates! Dates and I get along as well as Donald Trump and Martha Stewart. Besides, I haven't been on a date since ... KEVIN Bush One was President? ... BRANDON (thinks for a beat) I'm gonna call her and tell her it was just a joke. He grabs his cell. Kevin pops up and shuffles over to Brandon's computer. There's that smile again. Then it's gone in a FLASH. KEVIN Put that thing down NOW! He obeys, like a dog told to SIT! KEVIN (CONT'D) You see this my man? ... This is the key that's gonna open Pandora's box. But instead of all that evil, this time ... we're gonna get the GOOD STUFF! Brandon looks with trepidation. What's he up too? INT. BRANDON'S APARTMENT --CONT--MUSIC PLAYS-- Brandon is at the computer. Kevin stands behind him. They fixate at the screen. Fingers fly about the keyboard. They hit a site called casualencounters.com. Yikes. Skanks all over the place. They both jump back. Faces cringe. KEVIN Damn, even the internet can't help those broads. Brandon navigates to a site called heavenlymatches.com. KEVIN (CONT'D) Too religious. Don't need no Jesus freaks in your life. BRANDON As opposed to non-Jesus freaks? Fingers fly on keyboard. Stop! Eyes open WIDE! Music screeches to a halt! Mother load. Datesfordorks.com. It has pictures of girls even your mother would approve of. Tag line "If you can't get it here, might as well go gay." KEVIN Bingo! Game's really on now. INT. ACACIA MORTGAGE -- DAY Julie's at the receptionist desk with the Acacia Mortgage banner behind her. There's a red rose in a tiny vase on her counter next to a Tony Gwynn bobble head. It's an open office. No cubicles. Only a few loan officers. Brandon walks in and flips to the sports section. He looks about as excited as if he were going to his best friends funeral. JULIE Hey Brandon, don't worry about it. You'll hit that ball sooner or later. He passes by. The words finally register. BRANDON Oh, yea, one of these days. Thanks Julie. He heads to his desk, then turns back. BRANDON (CONT'D) Hey Julie, check it out, before I left Friday, I took the little microphone out of Keith's phone that let's him talk to other people. Nobody's gonna be able to hear him say a word. They share a concealed smirk. He taps the bobble head and shuffles off to his desk and plows into his chair. He gives her the shhhh signal with his finger. She repeats it to him. They smile. Julie's in heaven. He checks his email. Sees One from the dorks site. Click. There's ANNETTE, decent looks. Text says she would like to meet Saturday night for drinks and ? He's in shock. He's TERRIFIED. He knocks over his pen holder. BRANDON (CONT'D) Holly crap, this stuff really works. INT. BREAK ROOM -- CONT Typical break room. Brandon pours a cup of coffee, as Julie attempts to get comfortable in one of those metal wire like chairs with plastic neon orange seating. She listens. BRANDON ... to get her jealous, ya see? (paces around room) So he made me sign up for this dating site, and as God is my witness, I have an email from an actual female ... an ACTUAL female ... Can you believe it? ... What should I do? He takes a sip of coffee. His face scours like he just had one of those sour balls. He heaves it in the sink and leans against the counter. BRANDON (CONT'D) God, that's the worst coffee I've EVER tasted. Who made that batch? JULIE Me. She's expressionless. JULIE (CONT'D) Brandon, when I was growing up, my dad always told me that what makes you uncomfortable, is what you fear the most. And you have to conquer that fear, thus, you won't be uncomfortable anymore. At least in that situation. BRANDON Wow, my dad was busy pumping my head with propaganda about how evil women are. Then, or course, he'd pump another drink into his bloodstream. (he thinks) Uncomfortable. Tackle your fears ... You're dad's a wise man. JULIE Was .. His biggest fear was flying. While he was tackling his fear, the plane went down. That's why I had to drop out of college and get this job ... Listen Brandon, tackle your fear, OK? They stare at each other for a beat. She gets up, and they start to leave. BRANDON Oh, I looked up Gwynn's game on Sept. 17th, 1987. He went four for four. Almost hit for the cycle, but got two triples. They stop. Look each other in the eye. He smiles. She doesn't. BRANDON (CONT'D) Hey Julie, keep a secret? JULIE You gay? BRANDON Not yet ... I didn't go to my Senior Prom either. JULIE AND BRANDON I was SICK. They both chuckle a bit. Julie gets serious. JULIE Tackle your fears Brandon. She darts out and leaves him with a bewildered look. INT. OFFICE -- CONT-- They're back at their posts. Keith's phone rings. KEITH Hello ... Hello ... Is anybody in there? ... Frank, can ya hear me? He hangs up and looks at his phone like it's possessed. KEITH (CONT'D) What the hell's wrong with? ... I swear, the equipment around this place ... They can't take it anymore and crack up. Keith figures it out. KEITH (CONT'D) Ok honky, that ain't funny. INT. SPORTSMAN -- NIGHT Brandon's at the bar. He goes to grab a beer and knocks it over. His stomach's a butterfly preserve. Then, TAP TAP on his shoulder. Must be Angela. HERE GOES NOTHIN. He turns in anticipation. He can see the front door in the b.g. BRANDON Well, hello Angela. What a coincidence, you look just like my friend BARRI. BARRI She stand ya up? The front door opens. In walks a "woman?" He gives it no thought. If there was a Butch Monthly magazine, this chick would be cover girl numero uno. He itches his nose. BRANDON Ya got a little speck on your nose. Time to go powder it. What are you doin here anyway? Annette spots him and thugs over. The two women stand side by side. Brandon looks at her like she's from Mars. ANNETTE Hey Brandon. He looks. Looks. Looks. No way. BRANDON Angela? Barri covers her chuckle. The make Barri jealous plan ain't off to a flyin start. ANNETTE Annette, you idiot. She glances at Barri and points with her thumb. ANNETTE (CONT'D) Who's Barbie here? BARRI Who's Ken here? ... Might want to clean you computer screen or get your eyes checked Parson. Barri looks around. BARRI (CONT'D) Oh, there's Stacy. Gotta go. (smirks) Have fun (looks at annette) BUDDY. She's off. He's reverts to his nervous tendencies. BRANDON Oh, um, I'm, um sorry about the, um, name thing. You don't, um, look the same ... ANNETTE You stutter kid? Let's say we get us a few brewskies. INT. SPORTSMAN -- CONT They are at a booth with some appetizers and beers. Annette digs in, as he occupies his special place. In Hell. BRANDON So, ya see, I, well, the ball went right between, ya know, my legs. Anyway, we lost the game. Totally blank stare. Some bbq sauce on her face. Awkward silence. He looks for signs of life. ANNETTE That's a truly inspirational story kid. You might want to talk to a Hollywood agent. It's got Academy Award ALL over it. BRANDON Well, ya know, I try, ya know your pic ... ANNETTE Listen, I don't know if your parents dropped you on your head when you were a kid. I don't know if you have adult attention deficit disorder. I don't know if you're a total idiot ... Wait, I'm takin that one back ... But this has been, by far, the worst date I've ever been on. But thanks for some enlightenment. I needed it! She wipes herself clean, gets up and BOOM, total excitement. ANNETTE (CONT'D) Common kid. I'm gonna put some LIFE in that so called life a yours. At least for a little while. He inches to his feet. BRANDON I'm, I'm not just a piece of meat ya know. I have feelings ... INT. ANNETTE'S CAR -- NIGHT They're in a brand new fire red 300 h.p. Ford Mustang. Sweet ride. They FLY down the street as loud Judas Priest plays. Annette hoots and hollers like a good old boy. He holds on for dear life. They talk loud over the music. ANNETTE Ain't she pretty. Just picked her up today. Looks around the car. BRANDON Yea, real nice ... do we ... Annette rips off a picture that was taped to the dash. ANNETTE I ain't talkin bout the car moron. I'm talkin about her. She hands him the picture. A total babe. EXT. ROAD -- CONT The car screams around a corner. Tires squealing. INT. CAR -- CONT BRANDON She's a lesbo? Damn, I'm missin out. Do we have to go so fast? ANNETTE Told ya I was gonna put some life in that body. Ya ain't stutterin anymore, are ya? They scream around another turn. Holds on. Death, right around the "corner." BRANDON Why did you go out with me tonight? ANNETTE Told ya I needed some enlightenment. Well, I got it. Bein out with you sent me right back to the other side. Me and Nancy, we're gonna have us a TIME! They approach an intersection. Annette has NO intentions to stop. His eyes get HUGE. This is it. Time to meet his maker. Whoever that is. He crosses his chest. BRANDON Oh Father in Heaven, I'm sorry I cheated on my math test in seventh grade. And, by the way, can ya please get me the HELL out a here! He closes his eyes. Tight. EXT. INTERSECTION -- CONT Right when they hit it, the light turns green. WHAM, right through it. That was a close one. INT. CAR -- CONT Feels his body. Opens his eyes. Whew. Still alive. BRANDON Can ya just take me home, NOW? ANNETTE We're goin home alright. Home's the highway! Ya Hooooo! EXT. CAR -- CONT She steps on it. The car squeals off. He screams. BRANDON (O.S.) If I'm alive tomorrow, Kevin's a DEAD MAN! EXT. SPORTSMAN PARKING LOT -- NIGHT A police car pulls up and stops. Engine continues to hum. Brandon opens the passenger side door and gets out. To the cop. BRANDON If I'd a known she was wanted in five states ... COP (O.S.) Just be careful bout that internet crap. Hell, last week we found some guy all hacked up ... BRANDON Strictly porn from now on. Thanks. COP Try nastyhos.com. It's on my fave's list. See ya kid. The cop pulls away. As he walks to his car. Slows down. Slower. Slower. His eyes roll to the back of his head. BAM, he passes out on the front lawn. FADE TO BLACK INT. KEVIN AND JOHN'S TAXIDERMY -- DAY They don white smocks with goggles. John kicks back on a bench and scans the paper. Kevin works. There are stuffed animals lying on the long work table and placed on shelves. Dogs, cats, turtles, deers you name it. Brandon paces, as usual. Kevin uses a muted electric saw O.S. He looks down. It's intermittently turned on and off. JOHN Hey Brandon, what's your sign? BRANDON Stop! As in I'm done ... JOHN Bet you're a Leo, the scared lion. BRANDON Leo's are hardly scared. Pieces, you jackass. John shuffles through the paper. Laughs. Brandon holds a severed cat's tail. He examines it with slight disgust, then to John. BRANDON (CONT'D) Fish aren't that funny. JOHN It says you should take a sharp object, place it in your ear and push it through your skull. Do us all a favor. BRANDON Actually, I think I'll stick around. Annoy you idiots as long as possible ... Anyway, I'm finished with the whole operation make Barri jealous. It's never gonna work, and, believe it or not, I value my life way too much. Saw stops! THROWN on the bench. Kevin holds up a severed dog's leg that's about a foot long. He walks towards Brandon. Leg pointed at him. He's pissed. His PROJECT will continue. He talks loud. KEVIN Ya see, that's your problem! You're too negative. Too down on yourself! If you weren't so busy beatin yourself up, you'd realize it's already workin! You're damn right you're no Leo. BRANDON Oh, it's working alright. Almost worked me six feet under. KEVIN She was there, wasn't she? ... She was checkin up on ya! Brandon points back with the cat tail. He's gettin a little hot under the collar as well. BRANDON She was checking up on Stacy! KEVIN (dog leg still pointed) And you believe that? ... Common mammas boy ... You want her? BRANDON Would I be doing research for Internet Dating for Dummies if I didn't? Kevin inches closer to Brandon with leg pointed. Who know's, he might beat him with it. Brandon backs up and knocks over a stuffed donkey. KEVIN Then operation make Barri jealous is in full swing! Now get a second date and make sure she knows about it! And don't make such an (kevin kicks the donkey) ASS out of yourself this time. Got that? INT. ACACIA MORTGAGE -- MORNING Brandon enters. Looks, drab. Attitude, sucks. Julie's anxious. JULIE Conquer any fears this weekend? BRANDON Ever see the movie Smoky and the Bandit? Gone in 60 Seconds? Tokyo Drift? He saunters to his desk and notices a wrapped present. Surprised, he picks it up. Julie watches in the b.g. He opens the card. Reads it. Opens the present. It's a nice navy blue Polo shirt. He walks to Julie, shirt in hand. BRANDON (CONT'D) Julie, why did you do this? JULIE Well, I thought since you were going on dates now, you might want to jazz up the wardrobe a bit. He stares at her for a few beats. She pushes her glasses up with a smile. This girl is special. BRANDON Thanks Julie. He turns and walks to his desk. As he sits down, his chair is YANKED from under him, and he hits the floor with a CRASH. Keith laughs and holds some fishing line. Brandon smiles. Gets up and sits in his chair. Julie chuckles a bit. KEITH Used the .03 test. Figured you'd never see it comin ... (he gets closer to brandon) looks like honky's got himself an admirer. BRANDON What? ... Shut up Keith. Julie's just a friend. And, HELLO, we work together. Honky don't dip into the company ink. He checks email. There's another one. Why not. He clicks it. Up pops an attractive blonde. CYNDI, 28. He picks up the phone and dials. Panics. Talks low. BRANDON (CONT'D) Hey Kevin, this one's way out a my league, gonna need some help ... Common, let's double. You need to get Mary out of the house anyway ... she's your wife, you idiot? ... Ok, cool, Saturday night. See ya then. He hangs up and glances at the picture. It magically morphs into a devilish figure that laughs at him. He's terrified, AGAIN. BRANDON (CONT'D) Is that you dad? EXT. BEACH -- DAY Chamber of Commerce day as Barri and Brandon run on the beach. They run close to the water and breathe hard. BARRI So, did she tear ya a new one? BRANDON Annette ... Oh, we had a great time. Really hit it off ... she called the other day, getting back with her girl, I mean boyfriend ... BARRI Was God your co pilot? BRANDON What about you? BARRI Like I said, I'm takin my time. BRANDON Well, I have another date this Saturday night ... Kevin and I are doubling. BARRI Another one? I gotta tell ya, for a guy who's biggest fear is to be with a women he doesn't know, you're really gettin out there. I admire that BRANDON Gotta conquer those fears. Shoots him a strange look. BARRI Where you findin all these women anyway? BRANDON Oh, just around ... you know, the grocery store, shopping ... BARRI (laughing) Really??? ... you keep this up, you're gonna make me JEALOUS. He shoots her a shocked look, as her fix is straight ahead. Could this actually be working? Then, a football NAILS him in the head. THUD! He stumbles and falls in the water. Barri and the players come to his rescue. INT. KEVIN'S CAR -- DAY Kevin drives and squawks oh his cell. Some friggin Barry Manilow music plays low. "Mandy" KEVIN Yea, he said somethin about mini golf ... ya know, round eight ... ... yea, that's Manilow, you got a problem with that? ... See ya. With a SNAP, he closes his cell and drives. The tune receives major volume. He gets a shit eatin grin. Oh yea, game's on for sure. EXT. KEVIN'S CAR -- CONT-- LOUD BARRY-- The car speeds down the highway. He sings along. He's no American Idol. FADE TO BLACK-- MUSIC DIES DOWN--SILENCE-- EXT. GOLFLAND MINI GOLF-- MEN'S BATHROOM -- NIGHT His reflection in the mirror reveals the NEW shirt. He washes his hands. Looks in mirror. Washes hands. Looks in mirror. Washes hands. Butterflies? Back. Big breath of stale bathroom oxygen. All of a sudden. JULIE (V.O.) ... won't be uncomfortable anymore ... at least in that situation ... conquer your fears, ok ... listen JERK, you got a problem with the coffee, you make it ... and don't bring up my dead father anymore ... Has it finally hit? Is he full blown Schizo? He snaps his head around. He fumbles about and checks the stalls. One, then the other, then, Oops. GUY1 Hey, what are you some kind a freak? BRANDON That all depends on who you ask. Sorry. He scurries back to the mirror and holds on to the sink for dear life. BRANDON (CONT'D) Ok Julie, WE can do this. EXT. GOLFLAND -- CONT Brandon, Cyndi, Kevin and his wife MARY, 27, putt some miniature golf. They've all unsuccessfully maneuvered the rotating wind mill. Brandon and Cyndi walk along. BRANDON So, do you like golf? CYNDI State champ in high school. Then partied too much in college. Got married, job, life. You know? BRANDON Oh sure, I know all about that stuff. Are you still married? CYNDI Would I be here if I was? I'm NOT that kind of girl. I'm a one man woman. BRANDON Yea, I'm pretty much a one man guy. I mean a one woman woman, guy. They stop. She gives him the once over and smiles. CYNDI Nice shirt. BRANDON Thanks, picked it out myself. Is that confidence? She gets a sexy smile. INT. GOLFLAND ARCADE -- CONT And who lurks around to get a fix on the happenings? Barri. She spots the two. Is that jealousy? She ducks behind a video game. BACK ON THE COURSE-- CYNDI Maybe we could go shopping sometime. I could pick out something that wouldn't have to stay on very long. Would you like that? Stunned look. Then tries to play it off. BRANDON No, I think I'd rather stay home and watch the new Lawn Bowling station. 24/7 coverage of lawn bowling. They say it's more exciting than watching grass grow. She LAUGHS. He did it! That's the Holy Grail of first dates. He smiles. ARCADE Barri sees them laugh. That's HER Brandon with some tramp. That's it, she's out a there in a flurry. EXT. GOLFLAND -- CONT Last hole, before he can get at Cyndi for some 19th hole action. A straight putt, right into the obnoxious laughing clown's mouth. BRANDON (to kevin, low) I can't believe it. I'm on fire. I got her laughing. She want's to buy lingerie ... LINGERIE, I can't go in one of those places, they'll think I'm some kind of pervert or somethin. KEVIN They would if you were by yourself. Listen, don't be obvious. They can sense desperation like a cat senses another cat's scent. BRANDON Dude, that makes no sense at all ... Ya know, if I don't sink this one, I think I'm gonna beat that clown senseless, (taps him on the shoulder) Get it? He laughs and Kevin shakes his head. EXT. GOLFLAND -- CONT The two ladies have putted and stand to the left of the guys. Brandon is "up." KEVIN Now, I'm tellin ya, if you leave this one short, I'm gonna wrap that putter around your neck. You been leavin 'em short all night. BRANDON No way I'm leaving this one short buddy. He fools around and waggles his putter. MARY Hey guys, we gotta go to the ladies room ... need to freshen up a bit. His waggle gets longer. BRANDON No way I'm leavin it short ... I'm not screwing this up! Bozo over there's gonna get some dinner. RIGHT NOW! SLOW MOTION-- He takes a full backswing. Like a "real" golf shot. Putter goes back, back, back. Girls, start to walk. Oblivious. Back, back, closer. Girls continue to walk. Putter. Chin. Putter. Chin. Then BAM! Contact! Cyndi flies backwards and hits the deck with a THUD. She's OUT cold as if Tyson, in his prime, nailed her with a devastating right hook. Brandon turns in shock. Mary rushes to her side. REAL TIME-- Kevin walks up to a stunned Brandon. He places his arm around him and shakes his head in disgust. KEVIN For not screwin things up, you just screwed yourself pretty bad my friend. Got a wetsuit for that cold shower? Mary slaps Cyndi's face. Tries to revive her. No go. EXT. FARMERS MARKET -- DAY Barri purchases some greens from a vendor. She walks, by herself, into the crowd. Serious look. Wheels turn a million miles a second. She stops and eyes a couple on a bench. They laugh. Hug. kiss. A small snippet of Journey's "Lovin, Touchin, Squeezin" plays. She misses that connection. Music halts! BARRI Oh, what the HELL! She stomps O.S. and THEN. Groceries hit the ground. BARRI (O.S.) Oh my God, I'm so sorry ... INT. BRANDON'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT-- The Dork's site is now a habit. He checks it with anticipation. Sure enough, there's another one from, LYNETTE, 27. His P.O.V. types "Anything but mini golf." He smacks the enter tab and leans back in his chair. BRANDON Gotta conquer that fear. Comfortable in that situation. His lean goes a bit too far, and he almost falls back. To catch himself, he grabs the desk and knock over a framed picture of him and Barri. The glass cracks. INT. ACACIA MORTGAGE -- DAY Julie sits alone in the break room. Brandon thumps in and plucks some quarters into a machine. JULIE Slay any dragons this weekend? He hits some buttons and a bag of stale chips drop. He grabs 'em and parks it next to Julie. BRANDON Yep. Knocked one out cold. He gets closer. She fidgets a bit. BRANDON (CONT'D) And I was doin so well to. He backs off. BRANDON (CONT'D) I don't know. What do they call those guys who aren't gay, but never get girls or married. JULIE Brandon Parson. BRANDON Yea, that's it. They share a laugh. He chews on stale chips, as he gives the bag a look. BRANDON (CONT'D) I'm thinkin these have been here since Shock and Awe. And let me tell ya, these are pretty damn shock and awful. He laughs at his joke. She does NOT. JULIE Listen Jim Carrey, my dad ... BRANDON Hey, you're the one bring up your dad, not me. She shoots him an odd look. What was that? JULIE ... used to say, if ya fall off that horse, ya gotta get right back on it. BRANDON What about you Julie? What did you do this weekend? JULIE Oh I just worked in the garden a bit, then ... His cell rings. He answers, as Julie feels neglected. BRANDON Oh hey, ... dinner? ... tomorrow? ... I think that's doable. Sure, see ya then. He BURSTS out of his chair and leaps for joy like he just won an event at the Olympics. He runs to Julie pecks her on the cheek. BRANDON (CONT'D) It worked! It worked! That was Barri! We're having dinner tomorrow night. I can't believe it. It FREAKIN worked! Another peck as he dashes out of the room. Julie sits with that blank stare and rubs her cheek. Is that Barri chick EVER gonna go away? INT. BRANDON'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT--MUSIC PLAYS-- He spryly bounces around his spotlessly CLEAN apartment. He slips on the SHIRT. Slides on some slacks. Lame shoes, somewhat shined. Hair, somewhat in place. He sprays on some cologne. The top breaks and the liquid spills all over him. INT. BRANDON'S CAR -- NIGHT BRANDON Yea dude, I'm on my way right now ... Man, I don't know how to thank you ... no, I don't want to swap with Mary. Ok, see ya later. I'll give ya the details after ... (austin powers impersonation) Yea Baby! INT. NICE RESTAURANT -- NIGHT Barri looks great. He's on top of the world. Jovial conversation. Barri sniffs around. BARRI You smell something? Smells like Boss #6 mixed with Euphoria. And believe me, they go together like Oscar and Felix. Definitely an odd couple. Looks around like an idiot. Changes subject. FAST. Smiles. BRANDON No, nothing ... Hey, remember when John T.P'd my front yard for Halloween? She laughs. BARRI And we called my cousin Joey the cop, who tracked him down and told him ghost costumes had been outlawed that year and confiscated his stash. BRANDON Damn, that candy tasted just a bit sweeter. More serious. Here it comes. BARRI Brandon, I have something I need to talk to you about. His face beams with anticipation. He's got her for sure. BRANDON As I do to ... to you ... I mean ... BARRI Parson, you and I have been friends since I can remember. And we've always been able to be honest with each other. Am I right? BRANDON You know what they say, honesty's the best policy. BARRI And we can pretty much talk about anything with each other ... I mean, that's what friends are for, right? BRANDON Friends, and ... lovers. BARRI Well, I have one question for you. HERE GOES NOTHIN. BRANDON Listen Barri, I think I know where you're going with this, and I just want you to know that, one, you've always been the girl I feel comfortable around. Two, I don't feel like my guts are gonna explode when I'm with you. Three, us being friends for so long does nothing but help. So, four, the answer to your question is, YES. Smiles. She's surprised. He waits. Common, where is it? BARRI Really? BRANDON Sure, why not. BARRI You're positive? BRANDON Absolutely. BARRI So ... you do believe in love at first sight? Silence for a few beats. Confused look on his face. He clears his throat. What the hell is she talkin about? BRANDON I believe in ... She gets REALLY excited. Face beams. Speaks faster. BARRI So, I'm at the farmers market the other day. I was thinking about a lot of things. Ya know, just thinking. Stop beating around the bush. Just get to it! BARRI (CONT'D) And, I'm leaving, when, BAM, I run into this incredibly handsome doctor Not the D word. Face is blank. Vision, blurry. Stomach, in knots. He sinks into his chair. BARRI (CONT'D) who just transferred from San Francisco ... Can barely see. White as a ghost. Grabs the table for support. Her words, barely audible. Slips further, further, further away. BARRI (CONT'D) Anyway, we really hit it off ... Room spins. Faster, faster, faster. He feels like he's on the Tea Cups ride at Disneyland after five malts. SICK! One hand grabs his stomach. BARRI (CONT'D) and I think I'm actually in LOVE with this guy ... Black out! He can still hear her, but he's uncomfortably numb. How can this happen? Grasps table for dear life. BARRI (CONT'D) Can you believe it? FLASH BACK/FUTURE--LAME LOVE SONG PLAYS-- They walk to grade school. He trips on an uneven slab of concrete. High school. She's the popular cheerleader. He's a SPECTATOR from the STANDS. College. She's with the handsome boyfriend. He tapes chess club fliers to the hallway. In church. He slides the ring on her finger. Then passes out. BAM, hits the floor. Brings him too. PRESENT-- BARRI (CONT'D) In fact, he's here right now. Barri jets up and hugs Dr. Tony Parker, 35. Tall. Perfect build. Perfect wardrobe. Perfect hair. Perfect face. No acne scars there. This guy's the poster boy for friggin Perfection. BARRI (CONT'D) Brandon Parson, I would like you to meet Dr. Tony Parker. He's barely able to stand and shakes Tony's extended hand. He wishes he could cut that hand, or perfect head, clean off. They hug again. Brandon looks like he's seen a ghost. BARRI (CONT'D) Brandon, are you ok? Question, muffled. Vision, blurry, like he just drank a gallon of Jack Daniel's. Sound, reverb's. He's spent! BAM, back to the chair. Lifeless body. This was NOT part of the plan. FADE TO BLACK EXT. BATTING CAGES -- DAY Brandon and John stand behind the cage. Kevin crushes some pitches. John laughs. JOHN It just defies logic. You two lame brains should a seen it comin like a freight train. No offense buddy, but she's just too damn HOT. Keith smacks a ball hard down the middle. BRANDON Why do people say, "no offense", when, in reality, they're offending you right to your face? ... But, you're right. In fact, I think I'm gonna bail on this last date. Ta hell with it. I'm fine the way I am. Who needs 'em? Kevin smacks his final ball. Annoyed. He opens the gate and mimics a little kid. KEVIN I don't want to go on that big bad date ... I'm an idiot around women ... I think I'll just call in SICK like I did at the PROM! (bossy tone) Like hell you're callin off that date! Brandon takes the bat and helmet and starts the machine. Balls come at him. He misses every one. SWOOSH! KEVIN (CONT'D) You wanna just give in? You a quitter? Mamma's little crybaby? You still want Barri? BRANDON I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but ... YEA, I still do. SWOOSH! KEVIN Fine, then this game ain't over buddy. It ain't over till the last out in the 9th inning, and we ain't even close to that point. SWOOSH! KEVIN (CONT'D) Listen buddy, you had Cyndi practically in your bed, till you put her in intensive care. You're makin progress. And you know it. You're just too scared to admit it. SWOOSH! KEVIN (CONT'D) So, you're goin on that date, you got that? Fouls one off. Smiles. Turns to Kevin and salutes. BRANDON Got it Sergeant Carter. Guns a blazin. Now can you show me how to hit a softball? A pitch beans him in the back. His friends laugh. He rubs the spot where he just got beaned. Ouch. EXT. WATERFRONT -- DAY Julie and Brandon are dressed in office attire, but have Nike's on. They walk at a good clip. They pass other employees out for lunch, joggers, mothers with kids. They all enjoy the sun which glistens and reflects off the calm water. BRANDON ... So, if I don't go, I think Kevin 'ell kick my ass ... got any ideas? JULIE Lot's of 'em. And the one that's poppin out of my head right now is GROW UP and start making some decisions on your OWN! BRANDON No, tell me what you REALLY think. She shoots him a disgusted look. JULIE Did you NOT hear a word I said the other day? ... Get back on that horse. If you got more dragons to slay, slay 'em. I don't want to be luggin anybody's baggage around, that's for sure. You couldn't tip me enough! He looks at her dumfounded. She stares ahead and hopes he does NOT inquire about that last statement. In fact, now's a good time to change the subject. BRANDON Hey Julie? Oh crap, too late. BRANDON (CONT'D) Why don't you go to night school or something? Whew! JULIE I work a couple nights a week. I have responsibilities other than just ME. My mom's sick. I have to take care of her. Got no time. BRANDON What do you do? Embarrassed. JULIE You know Mario's bar and grill? BRANDON Sure, Mario and I are tight. We go way back. How's he doin these days? JULIE He died two years ago you idiot. I run the Karaoke four night a week. BRANDON Really! Mario let Karaoke in. Bet it's Sinatra only. Julie shoots him a look like he's the biggest idiot on this planet. But what a lovable idiot he is. INT. BRANDON'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT--SOFT JAZZ IN B.G. Slacks slide up. Shirt goes on. Shoes, fit. He looks in the bathroom mirror. Combs his hair. BRANDON Back on that horse. WE can do this. Right? He checks for the voice. Nothing. He's bummed. INT. ANTONIO'S SEA FOOD -- NIGHT The waiter brings plates of crab legs. The ones you have to crack open with a wooden mallet. Brandon has no idea. Lynette digs in. He takes a sip of wine and observes. LYNETTE Man I miss the East Coast. Maine has the best legs in the world. But these aren't bad. He takes a lame shot. BRANDON Well, your legs are some of the best I've ever seen. She smiles. Then, POUNDS the legs with gusto. It looks like she enjoys the hammer. In fact, it's so loud, some patrons look in their direction. She looks at him with a sexy smile. LYNETTE A leg man, are ya Brandon? Dip shit watches and "learns". He mimics her, but misses the target and NAILS his finger. He's in pain. She laughs. She takes a long piece of meat and licks it up and down. Then "swallows" it. He looks around, embarrassed, aroused? People notice and talk low. LYNETTE (CONT'D) Tip one, hit the shell ... what, you never "whacked" it before? He plays along. BRANDON Are you kidding, I whack it all the time. They gaze at one another for a beat, then laugh. He's on fire, again. But does he want to be? LYNETTE Brandon, I don't know where you came from, but I think I'd like to find out. BRANDON Do you like lawn bowling? WHACK! Down on his fingers again. They both bust up. BRANDON (CONT'D) Listen, if I get out a here alive, I got a great idea. INT. MARIO'S BAR -- NIGHT The two walk in. The place is kind of a dive. Brandon has his arm around Lynette. It's pretty crowded. He strains to find Julie. No go. They order drinks and receive them. Julie steps up to the stage and announces the next "singer." JULIE Ok, Mr. Asako, you're up. She hands the mic to a frail older Japanese man. Music starts. Julie walks off stage. The song is "New York, New York". He sings it like shit. The buzzed patrons laugh and sing along. Everybody's havin a great time. Except. Brandon and Lynette crack up. They look at each other. Sparks fly. Oh my God, can this really happen? They get closer, closer. He can't believe he's come this far. They are about ready to lock lips WHEN. JULIE (CONT'D) Brandon, what are YOU doing here? They separate. He's a bit surprised, as he was lost in lust. BRANDON Oh hey, ... just gettin back up on that horse. Lynette shoots him a look. LYNETTE Excuse me? You ain't gettin on anything yet mister! JULIE Do ya have to ride that horse in FRONT of ME? LYNETTE Wait a minute, nobody's ridin anything! ... I ain't into any kinky sex. And I AIN'T the one lookin like a horse here honey. JULIE AND BRANDON Will you shut up! Their eyes lock for a beat. She gives him a blank stare then storms away. Lynette looks at Brandon and gets a sexy smile. She replaces her arms around his waist. He comes too and smiles, awkwardly. She's still on his mind. LYNETTE I'm gonna forget that ever happened. Now, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted? Closer, closer. His hands feel her slender hips. He gets aroused. They move closer and their hips touch. She pulls back a bit. Sly smile. LYNETTE (CONT'D) Was it the crab legs that did it? He can't control himself, even if she is kinda weird. They kiss like two lovers that have been apart for ten years. Julie gets up on the stage in the b.g. The two continue to go at it. JULIE Ok, thank you for that inspired version of Frank's classic. Now, Mr. Suzuki, you're next with "I've Been Down For So Long." Kiss goes on, and on and on. Audience Claps. Brandon notices the song. INT. TONY'S HOUSE -- NIGHT Barri and Tony sit on the black leather couch. Lights dim. Soft jazz from the IPod stereo. Fire in fireplace. A nice Merlot. Expensive art throughout. This is THE perfect place to DO IT!. TONY So, ya say Casper the Ghost plays for a softball team? Barri laughs. BARRI The Bad News Beer Frogs? ... Even Buttermaker couldn't help those guys. TONY Well, maybe I can. Find out if Casper 'ell let me play. I'm actually pretty good. She looks at him as sexy as she can. And that's pretty sexy. BARRI Yea, well I was pretty good in my day. He takes the bait. TONY Honey, your day has YET to come. They gaze into each others eyes. Tony, low. TONY (CONT'D) So, I was thinking we could head up to my parents condo in Frisco in a few weeks ... just you, me, and the Golden Gate. They both take a sip of wine. Barri's found her MAN. BARRI I hear it can get pretty cold up there. TONY Not where we're goin. They get close. Close. Close. One more slug of wine. BARRI Should I bring my warm clothes? TONY Just the opposite. That's it! They grope each other like either one of 'em have had sex in ten years. Clothes fly. INT. JULIE'S HOUSE -- DAY Julie's in her mother's room, RAE, late 60's. She dispenses some drugs on her antique dresser. Rae coughs. Emphysema sucks. Rae is in her bed in a typical middle class home. RAE Damn cigarettes. If those lights didn't taste so damn good, I'd be lawn bowling right now. There's a pack of Parliament lights next to her bed. Julie brings the meds and inhaler. She places them on her nightstand. Then, she spots the smokes. Mom tries to grab 'em. Julie's too fast, and she ain't happy. JULIE You want to just leave me here all by MYSELF? ... I can't deal with that right now, MOM! ... How did you get these in here anyway? RAE Not tellin ... just one more, one more, please ... I swear, I'll buy you the best hung Chippendales dancer you ever seen. He'll send ya to the moon! She points the pack at her. Julie's frustrated. Rae is transfixed on the pack. God, if she could have ONLY one more. JULIE Is that what you think I want?! Pack goes to the right. Rae's eyes follow. JULIE (CONT'D) Some idiot muscle head who thinks he's God's gift? Pack goes to the left. Rae's about to jump out a bed. Eyes transfixed on the pack. JULIE (CONT'D) ... Look at me mother ... I'd be lucky to date the next door neighbors dog. Rae's silent. Julie gets it. She moves the pack to the right. Eyes follow. Moves it to the left. Eyes follow. Silence. Julie gets a disgusted look on her face and heaves them out the open window. Rae almost falls out a bed. STREET-- A young kid on a bike rides by and sees the pack. He skids to a stop. Eyes big as quarters. He looks up. KID Thank You GOD! He bends down, picks up the pack, puts them in his pocket and rides away with a huge smile on his face. RAE'S ROOM-- Julie is on her bed and cries. Rae is over the cig obsession and pats her hurt daughter's back. She is a mother after all. RAE What is it honey? You've been in a mood lately. Julie looks at her with red, swollen eyes. JULIE Emphysema ain't good mom! YOU'RE all I have. They hug, then pull apart. Rae's smarter than she looks. RAE Is that ALL it is honey? Julie looks Rae in the eyes, as Rae wipes some of her daughter's tears away. EXT. SOFTBALL FIELD -- DAY Beer Frogs down big, again. Brandon is up at bat. CATCHER Just throw it over the plate. This guy couldn't hit his worst enemy. In comes the ball. Concentrate! SWOOSH. He misses the ball by a mile. STRIKE THREE!! CATCHER (CONT'D) Least you're gettin closer. Only missed that one by a foot. BRANDON Screw you Thompson. He walks to the dug out and looks in the stands. STANDS-- Julie watches with her Pad's cap on. She and Barri sit apart from each other. Mary's there and looks good. Just a bit of tension in the air. JULIE Common Brandon, ya gotta keep your eye on the ball! He smiles at her. OUT FIELD--CONT-- Brandon's in right. Tony's in right center. There are four outfielders in softball. Tony yells. TONY Hey Brandon, who's ... A fly ball is hit in their direction. They both go for it. They converge. Closer. Closer. TONY (CONT'D) I GOT IT! BRANDON I GOT IT! Closer. The ball descends, faster, faster, faster, then, SMACK, into Tony's glove. Brandon bumps into him and hits the deck. Tony's a rock. TONY I told you I had it! Tony runs to the dugout. Brandon gets up and mouths like a three year old. "I told you I had it." STANDS-- Barri stands up. Julie's had enough of this chick. But. BARRI Way to go Tony, great catch. JULIE Hey Barri, who's the ball hog? BARRI That "ball hog" is gonna be my husband. EXCITED look on her face. She can't believe it. It's over. Barri's out of the picture. JULIE You mean, that's your boyfriend!? Yes. Yes Yes. DUGOUT Brandon walks in and heaves his glove to the cement. BAM. He sits next to John and Kevin. BRANDON Did you see Dr. hog my fly ball out there? That's crap. KEVIN Least we got the out. PARKING LOT-- Lynette parks her car and gets out. She struts her stuff to the stands. STANDS-- No. No. No. Julie's a bit tired of the roller coaster ride. Lynette screams loud. To the point of obnioxisity. (made up word) LYNETTE Common Brandon, do somethin useful out there! Don't embarrass ME! DUGOUT-- Brandon looks back at the train wreck that is Lynette. Then at Julie. There she is again. Like always. He keeps his fix on HER. He thinks. Lynette and Julie spot him. He looks at Julie. Lynette's clueless. Both girls wave. He waves, AT JULIE. PARKING LOT--END OF GAME-- People mill about. Julie walks to her car, alone. Lynette and Brandon walk together. Brandon looks like he just ate some tainted meat. Sick. BRANDON Hey Julie, you going to The Sportsman? JULIE Na. Got better things to do. Oh, that one hurt. INT. SPORTSMAN -- DAY Brandon, Lynette, Kevin, John, Mary, Barri, Tony and some assorted other players are at the round table with beer and pizza. Brandon misses one person who's not there. LYNETTE Well, what are we gonna do about this one right here? She puts her arm around Brandon. LYNETTE (CONT'D) Glasses? Laughs. KEVIN I'd put him on the injured reserve list, but we ain't got enough players. TONY That's ok, I can cover right all by myself. More laughs, at him. No encouraging words today. He takes a sip of beer. He's had it. BRANDON Lynette, we need to talk. PARKING LOT-- The door flies open and Lynette flies out. She ain't happy. Brandon is in tow. LYNETTE What do you mean you're struggling with your sexuality? That's crap! You weren't struggling with it the other night. She storms to her car. John appears in the b.g. LYNETTE (CONT'D) It's her, isn't it? The horse! BRANDON No, no, and don't be callin ... LYNETTE You're a crappy poker player Brandon. You can't lie for shit! Car door flies open. She slams into the seat. Door shuts with a SMACK. LYNETTE (CONT'D) You blew it buddy. You have no idea what plans I had for you. NO IDEA! The car backs up in a flurry. LYNETTE (CONT'D) Have fun with Secretariat! WHOOM! She's out a there. He walks back to the front door as John witnessed the entire dramatic scene. JOHN Since when did you get a secretary? ... She's a real firecracker. I like that. Mind if I give her a rebound call? BRANDON Rebound, abound, been around, lost and found, the pound. You want it, you got my man. Brandon puts his arms around John. They enter the bar. He feels like he just lost a thousand pounds. BRANDON (O.S.) Ya think Kevin was jokin about the I.R. list? The two laugh. INT. MEXICAN RESTAURANT -- NIGHT Julie is with her friends LAURA and RACHAEL, 28. Both are more fashion conscious than Julie. They are in mid dinner and have some beers. It appears Julie's had a bit too much. RACHAEL ... Listen honey, I don't know what all the fuss is about. I saw him once and he reminded me of Pee Wee Herman. LAURA Herman Munster. JULIE Bill Walton, and I'm talkin when he had his stuttering problem. They all laugh. Julie's head plops down and rests on her folded arms on the table. Voice, muffled. JULIE (CONT'D) He's just so damn cute in his own way. Her head pops up, and she grabs the bottom of her outdated sweater/shirt. JULIE (CONT'D) Should I just go up to him and flash the twins? She starts to lift it. Her friends frantically stop her. RACHAEL Listen honey, why don't we do the make over? It's what finally got Jeff off his ass, and we been happy ever since ... well, kinda happy, sometimes we're happy, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday's we're happy, (starts to cry) That's only cause football's on, oh my GOD, we're miserable. Her head hits the table. JULIE If he doesn't want me the way I am, forget him. I ain't whorin myself up. LAURA Rach, would you shut up. You both overanalyze and worry WAY too much. You're perfect together. Besides, this is Julie's night, remember? Head up. Different attitude. RACHAEL (to julie) You're exactly right honey. You be YOU. She raises her beer. RACHAEL (CONT'D) To Julie The two raise their beers and all three clank together. LAURA, JULIE AND RACHAEL To Julie. INT. DANCE CLUB -- NIGHT They're at a trendy night club. They stand at a table with some drinks. Julie looks around for HIM. Music's pumpin. Ya gotta speak up to be heard. Julie looks a bit out a place. JULIE He says he comes her sometimes. RACHAEL He ain't here, it's his problem. He don't know what he's missin honey. ACROSS THE BAR-- Two guys who look like they were HUGE fans of Miami Vice check the girls out. GUY1 Oh yea, looks like our lucky night. GUY2 This won't take nothin but a second ... I'll take the kinda horsey lookin one with the glasses. They're more desperate if ya know what I mean. They smile as they use their wooden tooth picks one last time. They chuck 'em to the ground and commence with their Tony Montana shuffle to the unsuspecting girls. TABLE-- Julie looks at the dance floor. The other two watch. Out a nowhere, to Julie. GUY2 (O.S.) Whatever package you're lookin for honey, it just arrived UPS ground. All three turn to see the idiots. Laura and Rachael can't come close to containing their laughter. Julie's disgusted. RACHAEL Ok, ok, which one is Crockett and which one is Tubbs? GUY1 Common baby, you know you want it. RACHAEL Oh, I want it alright, but if I had to get it from you, I'd hang myself first. GUY2 (to julie) So, how bout it honey, you and me makin sweet lovin tonight? She's morose with EVERYTHING! She throws her drink in his face and dashes for the door. LAURA I hear Cyndi Lauper's in the house. I think you'd all get along just fine. The two fly after their friend. GUY1 Ya think, maybe, just maybe, we otta reconsider our duds? They look at each other. Music blares. GUY2 (wiping his face) You kiddin? Must be her time of the month or somethin. Common, there's two more over there. The oblivious idiots shuffle off. PARKING LOT-- Julie cries. Laura and Rach find her and console their weary friend. They head for the car. LAURA I don't know, I though the one with the lime green shirt was kinda cute. Has she lost her mind? They ALL start to laugh. Friends are the best. INT. ACACIA MORTGAGE -- DAY Julie walks to her post. She holds a single red rose. She pulls the old one out and in with the new. It's a superb flower. She takes her seat and looks like nobody's home. Spent. Keith walks in whistling. He notices Julie and stops. KEITH Ya know, the sun's shinin mighty bright today. Looks like somebody could use some warmin up. JULIE Yea, a nice tan would really help out. Keith smiles. KEITH I'll do what I can to make that tan's eyes open a little wider honey. They share a smile. JULIE Thanks Keith. In walks Brandon. He stops at her desk. KEITH Time to start workin on that tan. See ya Julie. He's off. Brandon points back towards Keith with his thumb. BRANDON What the hell would HE need to work on his tan for? ... Hey Julie, can we talk? She hides her interest. Excitement. Plays it cool. JULIE Brandon, I have no idea how to help you hit a ball. That, you're gonna have to figure out on your own. They smile. BREAK ROOM-- They are alone in the room and sit at a table. BRANDON ... so anyway, I had enough of her crap ... Music to her ears. Excitement contained. BRANDON (CONT'D) and I made up some story about how I was confused about my sexuality. YES! Wait, what did he just say? JULIE Are you sure that's just a story? BRANDON Oh, what, now I'm gonna start gettin it from YOU? ... The one person who actually gives me support? She laughs. A look of relief comes to her. She seems a different person. She's moments away. JULIE Somebody's funny bone broken? He smiles and relaxes a bit. BRANDON Anyway, remember when you said I had to start making some decisions for myself? Oh boy does she. BRANDON (CONT'D) Well, I've made one. HALLWAY-- Keith walks by and happens to hear the conversation. He can't blow this one off. He stops and leans against the wall. He listens. Go Brandon, Go. BREAK ROOM-- They get a bit closer. Julie can't believe this is her lucky day. It's finally here. He looks her in the eye, as if to propose. BRANDON (CONT'D) Julie ... Yes. Yes. Yes. Out with IT! BRANDON (CONT'D) I'm OUT! Just what the hell does OUT mean? JULIE You're out? Out of what? Your mind? The closet? What? BRANDON Out of the game. HALLWAY-- Keith shakes his head in disgust. No. No. No. you idiot. BEAK ROOM-- He's up now. Paces. BRANDON (CONT'D) Dating. Girls ... I've been on my own for so long now ... I'm just too set in my ways. The whole Lynette episode was a fiasco. Who's to say that wouldn't happen again? Sometimes, I think, if it weren't for sex, the two species wouldn't even communicate with each other. I mean, as friends, that's one thing, but ... Julie's in shock. Stares at him while he makes NO sense. She's pissed and has had it with this guy. She talks loud as she STANDS UP! JULIE Ya know what you're out of? ... TIME! He's interrupted and looks at her. Surprised. JULIE (CONT'D) At least you made a decision. It's a shitty one, but at least ... And as far as that support goes, you can forget about it in the future. I don't back a loser! A quitter! BRANDON I'm not a quitter! JULIE Yes you are! You quit on ME! Looks like those fears got the best of you. Don't you see you idiot, LOVE is one of the greatest gifts God gave us. To share with another human being: thoughts, feelings, insecurities, laughs, up's, down's. And yea, even their bodies. To grow together, to become ONE! That's what it's all about. So FINE, you just go to your little hole and crawl into it. Cause I ain't standin around waitin for you anymore. I'm gonna open that gift with somebody else. She storms out of the room. What just happened? HALLWAY-- She sees Keith and they hug. She weeps. KEITH It's ok honey. He'll come around. Believe me, he'll come around. She backs off. JULIE I don't care what HE does! She stomps down the hallway and passes her desk. She takes the flower out of the vase. BAM, into the garbage can. Some of the other employees take notice. Keith heads into the break room. BREAK ROOM-- Brandon sits, in shock. Keith pulls up an uncomfortable chair. KEITH How far you got that head of yours up your butt? BRANDON What just happened here? I was talking to a friend ... KEITH Ahhh. Stop right there my man. Julie's way more than just a friend. She loves you man. It gonna take a ton of bricks landin on your head for you to figure that one out? BRANDON I think they just did ... I don't know ... we work together ... we're friends. KEITH Ahhh. Stop right there my man. At some point, a man's got to take that leap, that leap of faith that makes a friend become somethin a little more special. Share somethin a little more important than the box scores. Treat that somethin a little better than all the OTHERS. He gets close to Brandon. KEITH (CONT'D) Ya know, my uncle never took that leap. Came close a couple times, but couldn't cross that bridge. Lived all by himself till one night, he was makin brownies. Brownies. And BAM. Heart attack. BRANDON They weren't pot brownies were they? I hear those things can send ya to the freakin moon ... KEITH Na. Just regular ole brownies. They found him a few days later. ALONE with brownie mix all over his face ... Listen pin head, you don't want ta be found alone with brownie mix all over your face. Do ya? He gets closer. KEITH (CONT'D) Brandon, I been watchin you two for a long time now ... I think it's time for you to start jumpin. The two lock eyes, then Brandon's gaze turns to the floor. EXT. SAN FRANCISCO -- DAY--MUSIC PLAYS THROUGHOUT-- Barri and Tony stroll through Union Square on a bright, sunny, day. The tall buildings and billboards sparkle. They head into swank shop after shop. It's Beverly Hills North. She comes out with an additional bag each time. They hug. Kiss. EXT. SAN DIEGO WATERFRONT -- DAY Brandon walks by himself. Deep in thought. INT. JULIE'S HOUSE -- NIGHT Julie cries on her bed while petting her cat, Rufus. INT. SAN FRANCISCO--NICE RESTAURANT -- NIGHT-- They are dressed to the nines and dine at the five star Carnelian Room located on the 52nd floor of the Bank of America Building. The skyline takes your breath away. They toast each other with vintage wine. EXT. BATTING CAGES -- DAY Brandon's so deep in thought, a ball flies past him. He doesn't even swing. Then, SWOOSH, SWOOSH, SWOOSH! He gets frustrated and brings the bat over his head and swings down to the ground, like he's chopping wood. He starts to jump around. He nailed his right foot. EXT. JULIE'S GARDEN -- DAY Julie works on her prize winning roses. She digs HARD into the ground. Again, Rufus by her side. INT. CONDO -- NIGHT-- Tony opens the door. The condo does have a beautiful view of the magical Golden Gate, which tonight is lit up like a steel Christmas tree. Unreal. They inch closer to each other. Barri lets her coat fall to the floor. Tony removes his jacket. They place their arms around each other's waist. The door magically begins to close. As their lips meet, CLICK. It closes. Silence. FADE TO BLACK. INT. JULIE'S ROOM -- NIGHT Julie is on her bed and reads Vogue. The cover has an article titled "How to bag a guy without the idiot noticing." She brings the magazine down with a SNAP. She smiles. EXT. SOFTBALL FIELD -- DAY The frogs way behind. Imagine that. Brandon is in the dugout. Looks back at the stands. NOBODY. KEVIN Earth to Brandon, you're up. Not that it's gonna do us any good. He snaps too and grabs a bat. PLATE-- CATCHER Easy out. Outfield, come in. They obey. In comes the ball. Keep you're eyes open you idiot. Nope. Closes 'em right before he swings. STRIKE THREE!! The catcher scoffs. He walks back to the dugout. Looks at the empty stands. He feels hollow inside. Empty. INT. ICE CREAM SHOP -- DAY Barri and Brandon get some cones. BARRI Well buddy, I think she's callin your bluff. BRANDON Yea, I've been told I'm a crappy poker player. And I don't even play. EXT. ICE CREAM SHOP PATIO -- CONT They sit outside. Another beautiful day and the ice cream provides some comfort. Barri drops a minor bomb. BARRI To be totally honest ... She takes a sexy lick. What was that? BARRI (CONT'D) I think you can do better. He snaps a look at her. His ice cream falls off the cone. SPLAT. On the floor. INT. BRANDON'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT--SOME U2 PLAYS-- He sits in his chair. He's on the dorks site. Why not? Various female postings come up. He's deep in thought. Can't get her out of his mind. ALL OF A SUDDEN, BAM, IT'S JULIE! He almost goes into convolutions. Not her! This time, he can't save himself. He falls back to the floor. CRASH! Feet visible. Music continues. INT. ACACIA MORTGAGE -- DAY Brandon is at his desk. His appearance is disheveled. He pretends to work, as he sneaks a glance at Julie. She does not return the favor. She seems content. Not upset. At ALL. She looks his way, and he snaps his gaze back to his desk. She smiles and continues to work. He looks back at her. What's she up to? BREAK ROOM-- Julie drinks a grape soda and looks at the paper. Brandon walks in. Silence. Awkward silence. He looks at the machines and whistles. Julie says not a word. He looks in her direction, as he's about to go nuts. Finally. JULIE Pad's won again last night. Beat the Giants. Hoffman got another save. He's well on his way. He can't take it anymore. He sits next to her. Anxious. BRANDON Julie, listen, I ... JULIE Oh, hey, have you been to Antonio's Sea Food, on the bay? He looks at his hands and smiles. BRANDON I don't recommend the crab legs. JULIE Well, I have a DATE Saturday night, and he let me pick the restaurant. Always wanted to go there. So, thanks for the tip. Antonio's it is. She gets up and waltzes right out of the room with the most satisfied grin she's ever plastered on her face. Take that. He's speechless. Alone. Then. BRANDON The loser can't even make up his mind on where to take her. What a putz. INT. ANTONIO'S SEA FOOD -- NIGHT The two are seated at a table that is located near a window. Julie sits and faces the window. She is with RUBIN, 29, a TOTAL NERD. He makes Julie look like Ms. America. They wait to order. Awkward is an understatement. JULIE Ya know, you don't look like your picture on the site. RUBIN Oh yea, the guys at the office told me to do that. Said I'd never get a date if I put MY pic on there ... those jokers ... cept I don't know where they got the new nic name from. JULIE Pizza face? RUBIN Mc. Fly. She laughs. PARKING LOT-- Brandon's car pulls up and the lights go off. His door inches open. He's dressed in black. Head to toe. He pokes around the outside of the restaurant. He looks in the windows. RESTAURANT-- JULIE Hello Mc. Fly! Did you ever see Back To The Future? RUBIN Back to the what? More laughs from Julie. JULIE You NEVER saw Back To The Future? What, your mom wouldn't let you go? RUBIN She said it was full of demonic messages. She laughs some more. At him, not with him. He ain't it. PARKING LOT-- Brandon has spotted where they sit. He pokes his head up to look in the window. He sees Julie laugh. BRANDON He must be good ... He's got her laughing .... Damn It! RESTAURANT-- Julie sees the head pop up and plays it off. She know's who that is. JULIE Excuse me, I need to freshen up a bit. Be right back Mc. Fly. She gets up, and her black pumps stride along the carpet. PARKING LOT-- He ducks down as she gets up. Then pops his head back up. BRANDON He doesn't look that big. I think I could take him. I'll just tell her my therapist told me to do it. RESTAURANT-- The black pumps continue their journey. PARKING LOT-- BRANDON (CONT'D) Or, I could follow 'em home and then slash ... Julie has made her way to the parking lot. Unnoticed. Brandon continues to peer into the window and mumble. THEN. JULIE Didn't know ya took a second job as a window cleaner. His head flies towards her. Total shock. She's good. JULIE (CONT'D) Or is it a peeping tom? Ya know, you can get serious time for that. He's stunned and falls back. She covers her smirk. He gets to his feet and approaches slowly. Then stops. HERE GOES NOTHIN. BRANDON Listen Julie, let me just get this over with, then you can go back ... Ever since those bricks landed on my head the other day, all I can think about it you. What a smart, caring, witty, supportive, fun, Yea, keep going. BRANDON (CONT'D) great friend you are. Good God, not the F word again. She turns to leave. BRANDON (CONT'D) STOP! She obeys, but does not turn around. BRANDON (CONT'D) Julie, I'm 28 years old and I've never been in love ... I mean I loved Snooper when I was a kid, but he was a dog, and a guy. She hides her smile. She know's she's finally got him. BRANDON (CONT'D) Listen, I can't get you out a my mind. I think about you constantly. When you aren't at the games, I feel a hole inside my gut the size of the Grand Canyon. Tears come to her eyes. Back still turned. BRANDON (CONT'D) I miss our little jokes at work ... I don't know, I guess what I'm tryin to say is there comes a time a man's got to take a leap. To jump to the other side. And you would make me the happiest man on earth if I could make that jump with you. I guess what I'm tryin to say is ... She turns around, tears flow. JULIE I love you. BRANDON Yea, I love you. She runs to him. RESTAURANT-- Rubin looks at his lame Superman digital read out watch. Where could she be? He butters a piece of bread. Eat's it. Looks around. Brandon is visible through the window, just behind Rubin's left shoulder. All of a sudden, Julie flies into Brandon's arms in the b.g. PARKING LOT-- They almost topple over. They kiss like it's the last kiss either will ever have. After a few beats, they separate and look each other in the eye. JULIE Parson, you don't know how long I've waited ... BRANDON Yes I do Julie. Yes I do. Back to the ole lip lock. RESTAURANT-- Rubin glances at his lame watch, again. He's agitated. He looks around. He turns to look out the window and spots his date totally mackin face with another guy. He looks back and takes a sip of water. RUBIN Mom told me not to wear this outfit. Right then Superman starts to beep. INT. BRANDON'S CAR -- NIGHT Brandon drives his new girlfriend. BRANDON What about your date? BARRI Mc. Fly? He looks at her. BARRI (CONT'D) He'll be fine. Mom ell make him some hot coco, and if he were smart, he rent Back To The Future. BRANDON What about work? How do you want to play that? BARRI Common Parson. Is's a small office. You guys are independent contractors. You aren't chained to your desks. It ain't IBM. It's no big deal. Half the time the place is empty ... (soft, sexy) we could go into the break room and lock the door ... He looks at her. She has a "sexy" smile. Just who is this little vixen? She's very happy. He smiles back at her. She looks around her new man's car for a beat, as he looks back at the road. She spots a small picture in the cup container. Grabs it. Looks at it. Not so happy anymore. JULIE You and Barri at Del Mar? I LOVE the track. You ever gonna take ME? BRANDON I got some plans. JULIE Yea, well you're plans better start including ME, not HER! BRANDON She's a friend Julie. Better deal with it. She backs off. Doesn't want to blow their first night. JULIE She's a friend. But I'm your lover. Right? He looks at his new girlfriend. They smile and kiss. He damn near drives off the road. INT. COMMUNITY HOSPITAL -- DAY Barri struts down a busy hallway and passes doctors, nurses. She makes it to a nurses station. She's carries a brown bag. Lunch. BARRI Excuse me, do you know where I might find Dr. Parker? NURSE Tony? ... Yea, I think I saw him go into room 135. It's right down the hall and to the right. Barri smiles. Shows the nurse the bag. BARRI Gonna surprise him with a little lunch. Thanks. She turns to go to the room. Then the nurse yells out. NURSE I think that rooms vacant. If the doors closed, just open it. Should be ok. BARRI Thanks. She confidently strides down the hall and passes room 115, 125. There, room 135. She pushes the door. Closed. She grabs the knob and slowly turns it. It's not locked. She slightly cracks the door. Then shoves it open. She blows into the room. ROOM-- BARRI (CONT'D) Surprise! Surprise all right. To her SHOCK, Tony's shirt is off, and he's on top of a half dressed way stacked nurse. She still has her sexy bra on. Every man's fantasy, and it looks like Tony couldn't resist. BUSTED! BARRI (CONT'D) Is this some kind of new internal medicine you're workin on!? The two spring off each other and hop for their shirts. Tony tries. TONY Barri, this isn't ... BARRI Shut the hell up BALL HOG, I don't wanna hear it! The reality hits her HARD. She cries. BARRI (CONT'D) You're right, my day did come, TODAY! At least I found out what a scum bag you are before I wasted TOO much time. She whisks the sandwich from the bag and stomps towards him. He looks at her. TONY Barri, listen ... BARRI Though I'd bring ya some lunch! She smashes the sandwich in his face and rubs it in. He has pickles, mayo, turkey, tomato, bread as his make up. The nurse covers her smile. Tony backs off. His eyes are closed, as he wipes his face. She turns to leave. Then turns back. BARRI (CONT'D) You want to hog some balls? Why don't ya grab these! BAM, she nails him in the crotch with her foot. He hits the deck. Major pain. Major pain, and we ain't talkin about the movie. The nurse looks away. Scour on her face. Barri storms out of the place. She cries. The nurse bands down, while she finishes buttoning her shirt. NURSE Ah, Tony, don't ya think you should make sure the door's locked? She goes for the door and turns around. NURSE (CONT'D) Maybe we can try again after the swelling goes down. She smirks and leaves. Tony grabs his crotch in a fetal position. Oh, the pain. The pain. INT. ACACIA MORTGAGE -- DAY Julie walks in and places a rose in the vase. She gets ready for a day of work. Except, today, she has a certain glow about her. CONT-- Brandon is at his desk. Keith and two other employees are in the b.g. Paper work, on the phone...work stuff. Brandon might as well be on Mars. He stares at Julie. She stares back. Smiles. He's in love for the first time. He's walkin on Sunshine, oh yea. And don't it feel GOOD! He picks up his phone and dials. Julie's phone rings. JULIE Acacia Mortgage. BRANDON Reservation for two in Le Break Room. HALLWAY-- The two disappear into the break room. The door closes. CLICK. LOCKED! No, nothin goin on in here. WATERFRONT-- They are in their work clothes with athletic shoes on. They get their exercise. Non stop chatter. Smiles. Kisses. They grow closer with each step. Man, they are one happy couple. Then. BRANDON (CONT'D) So, who's your favorite singer? JULIE Tom Jones. He packs quite a punch. He looks at her. They smile. JULIE (CONT'D) Sarah Mc Lachlan. The most beautiful voice I've ever heard. BRANDON Ever seen her in concert? JULIE Be the happiest night of my life. They look at each other and walk O.S. Sarah hugh? OFFICE-- Julie's phone rings. JULIE (CONT'D) Acacia Mortgage. She looks up and smiles. HALLWAY-- They walk into the break room. Keith and some others are in there. The two are surprised. KEITH What up honky, look like you just saw a ghost. We ain't disturbin anything are we? Keith smiles. HALLWAY-- They walk back to their desks. BRANDON What are you doin tonight? JULIE I don't know, let me ask my boyfriend ... What am I doin tonight? BRANDON Dinner. Pick you up at seven. JULIE I think I can arrange that. BRANDON Got my eye on the break room like a hawk. Call ya when it's free. They laugh as they separate. INT. JULIE'S HOUSE -- NIGHT--MUSIC PLAYS-- She gets ready. She's still fashion challenged. Her hair looks a bit better. Rae helps her with some make up. Rufus is in on the fun. They have a great time. Like school girls. Julie is finished and she looks good. Not great, but good. They hug. The music stops as the doorbell rings. Julie answers and there he is. JULIE You ain't George Clooney, but you'll do. Common, time to meet mom. And Rufus He enters and gives her a once over. He obviously notices the make up. Sly grin. Mom clears her throat. Who's this sex freak? He snaps too. BRANDON Um, hello, I'm ... RAE Brandon. Believe me kid, I feel like you're one of my own. Rufus runs up to him. He bends down and pets him. Rufus starts to purr. BRANDON Hello there buddy. (looks up) He a girl? JULIE You an idiot? No, he's a guy and yes, you are an idiot. Brandon stands up. BRANDON I don't know. I like cats, but I get this strange feeling when I make a guy cat purr. Ya know, it's kind a like ... RAE Hey, you wanna get on my good side quick? BRANDON Well ... Rae extends her hand with a five dollar bill in it. RAE Bring me back some smokes. Lights, menthol ... JULIE MOM! Julie struggles and gets the bill from Rae's hands. Brandon smiles. This old broad ain't so bad. INT. RESTAURANT -- NIGHT They are at a table in mid dinner. A decent place. Not too fancy. American food. He lifts a piece of steak to his mouth. It falls off the fork. SPLAT. Into his mash potatoes. BRANDON I think Keith figured it out. JULIE Brandon, he figured it out a long time ago. We were just waiting for you ... Hey, you went to college, what'd ya get on your SAT's? BRANDON Over 1200. Why? JULIE For a guy who's pretty smart, you can be really stupid sometimes. BRANDON See, it's like I said, ya start dating 'em and they turn on ya. JULIE Brandon, the only thing I'm gonna turn you into is a MAN. They lock eyes. Julie's actually cocky. Interesting. BRANDON God, I love it when you talk like that. I wonder if the break room's open. Sly smile. BRANDON (CONT'D) You have a curfew? JULIE You got ideas? Hugh Hefner's ready to pounce. BRANDON Lots of 'em. Gettin hot in here. THEN. His AC/DC Highway To Hell ringer goes off. He answers. BRANDON (CONT'D) What's up Barri? Julie's face turns to stone. Fork? Drops. His face turns to stone. BRANDON (CONT'D) NO WAY! Oh my God. I can't ... listen, I'll be right there. He snaps his phone shut. Shoots up. His moves are not fluid. JULIE Brandon, do you value your manhood? ... Cause if you do, you better sit your BUTT right back down in that chair! BRANDON Listen Julie, ah, her Grandmother just died. She was like a Grandmother to me. Mine died when I was young. Roto Tiller gone wild ... I can't believe this. I have to go. I'm sorry. JULIE You're damn right your sorry. BRANDON We'll get together tomorrow. I promise. Listen, I gotta go. He kisses her on the cheek. BRANDON (CONT'D) I love you. JULIE You better remember the last word in that sentence my friend. He rushes off. Thoughts come a million miles a second. Could Barri actually be ready? No. That's a terrible thought. EXT. BARRI'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT Brandon's car screeches to a halt. He pounds on the door. A beat, it opens. And there she is. She cries. Their eyes lock. BARRI That asshole! She goes to him and they hug. WOW. He's never physically been this close to her. If Heaven had a certain feel and fragrance, he's sure this would be it. INT. APARTMENT -- CONT The flood gates have been closed. They sit, lazily, on a sofa as some soft jazz plays low. The wine flows. Judgment? A few beats. BRANDON Listen Barri, I'm really sorry about what happened. I can't imagine what that must feel like. She turns her head to him and smiles. BARRI No, I rather imagine you can't. They stare at each other. Oh my God! They laugh. More wine. BRANDON Don't be takin this out on me. I'm not the cheating ball hog. More laughs. Then quiet. He looks at her. He's totally lost in her being. She stares ahead at nothing. BARRI Ya ever have your world turned upside down in the time it takes for one single heart beat? I mean one second everything's fine, great, dandy. Complete harmony. Couldn't be better. And then, in one split second, out of all the millions of seconds in your life, (snaps fingers) POOF, everything changes? He looks down. Remember that dinner? Looks at her. BRANDON No ... Well, maybe your call. She moves a bit closer to him. BARRI Your mom was right, ya know. He's taken a back. His concentration on her interrupted. BRANDON Bout what? Dad was a drunken cheat? BARRI That day at Fosters. When we were kids. I cut you off cause I knew what you were gonna say. BRANDON Can ya pay me for the coke? BARRI It isn't just the money, the looks, the status, the cars, the jobs, all that stuff. If ya don't have it on the inside, the outside is just a shell. It's an empty shell like ya find on the beach. BRANDON That's not exactly how she put it, but you got the general idea. BARRI At least those shells play a beautiful symphony of the ocean when you place it to your ear ... ya know what the other shell sounds like? They move closer. He's lost in her words. Back in her universe. BRANDON That's my fly ball? BARRI Useless, meaningless words. Gibberish. Like a little baby. They are closer. He can barely resist. BARRI (CONT'D) You have it Brandon. You have it all. And I'd like to get a piece of it. They move closer, closer. Eyes close. About ready to kiss. This is it. What he's waited for his WHOLE life. BUT! He backs off. BRANDON Listen Barri. I can't do this now ... My God, you just found out your boyfriend was cheating on you. TODAY! Isn't that called a Shaq rebound. He gets up. Places wine glass on the table. She's a bit stunned. BRANDON (CONT'D) Listen. I've wanted you since I can remember. But not like this ... Take some time. When you're feeling better, you and I will, we'll go on a date. You and me. On a real date. She looks at him, serious. BARRI Brandon, I'm ready now. BRANDON No you're not. And neither am I. He heads for the door and opens it. BRANDON (CONT'D) Call me when you're ready. Really ready. He closes the door and he's gone. She takes a sip of wine and is lost in thought. EXT. BATTING CAGES -- NIGHT Julie is in the cage with helmet on. She looks goofy. Balls come at her, and she swings fast. She looks a bit upset. She'd like to use that bat on somebody. Brandon's behind the cage. Lucky for him. JULIE You SURE nothing happened? BRANDON Yea, something happened. I was helping a friend through a rough time. Just like I would you. She lightens up. SWOOSH. She misses again. JULIE Now I see why you strike out all the time ... This is harder than it looks. She swings at the last ball. Misses it by a mile. She opens the gate and hands him the helmet and bat. As she does this, she pulls him into her and they kiss. She opens her eyes and notices his are closed. She quickly pulls back. BRANDON I told you nothing happened ... JULIE You idiot ... you close your eyes when you kiss, did you know that? BRANDON Well, I really haven't had a lot of JULIE Which means you probably close 'em when you swing the bat ... Get your sorry ass in there and keep you eye on the ball ... And don't close 'em Einstein. He gets into the cage, plops in the tokens, stands ready. Here comes the ball. He keeps his eyes on it. Here it comes. Closer. Eyes open. Closer. Starts his swing. Eyes open. BAM. He nails one down the center. He's in shock. He looks back at her. She shakes her head. JULIE (CONT'D) And you got over 1200 on your SAT's? INT. BRANDON'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT They are finished with the date and kiss on his couch. He backs off. BRANDON Curfew? INT. APARTMENT -- MORNING They lie in his bed, presumably naked. She sleeps soundly with her head on his shoulder. His arm around her. His eyes are wide open and stares at the ceiling. His face comes closer, closer. Then. JULIE (O.S.) Penny for your thoughts. He's startled. Gets it together. He looks in her eyes. BRANDON Quarter for yours. They kiss. Then she snuggles into his shoulder again. JULIE Ya know Brandon, believe it or not, I've had boyfriends in the past. But I've never been in love. Just like you. But I think that makes us a better fit. We can learn how to hit that ball together. Learn how to slide, to throw, to win, to lose, to go into extra innings. To keep our eyes open! And even play practical jokes on the rookies. Just like a team. Like the Padres. What do ya think? He's DEEP in thought. BRANDON I think that's an excellent analogy. They look at each other and kiss. INT. ACACIA MORTGAGE -- DAY The two are at work. Normal day. WHEN. AC/DC plays. He cranks it open. Julie does not hear it. Talks low. BRANDON Hey Barri. Haven't hear from ya in a while ... Saturday ... sure, I can do that ... ok, can't wait. See ya then. He closes the phone. Looks lost. Almost sick. THEN. RING. His desk phone rings. It startles him. Picks it up. BRANDON (CONT'D) It is? Be right there. Hangs up. Looks worried. He's a crappy poker player, and he better learn fast. INT. BREAK ROOM -- CONT The two are in the room. Door closed. They are in each others arms. A quick kiss on the lips. Then. JULIE Hey, Rachael's boyfriend Jeff has a softball game Saturday. She want's to know if we could go, then hang out after? Oh crap. Why? Why? BRANDON Saturday, crap, I just make plans with Kevin to hit the batting cages. Maybe we can get together that night. JULIE Whatever you say Tony Gwynn. Just keep your eyes open and don't be kissin Kevin. BRANDON No worries of that. They kiss again and hug. His look is that of worry. Much worry. INT. JULIE'S ROOM -- NIGHT Vogue mag in her hands. Her cell rings. JULIE What's up Laura? ... sure, I haven't been in a long time ... no, he's got a date with Kevin ... don't ask ... really? Rachael's blowin off Jeff's game to go, then I'm definitely in. Great, see ya Saturday. She hangs up and is back to her Vogue mag. Why? Who knows. EXT. BRANDON'S APARTMENT -- MORNING Barri's car pulls up. Some Def Leppard music blares from the car. He flies out of his apartment and gets in. INT--CAR-- Volume down. Barri looks at him and smiles. BARRI You ready for this? BRANDON Can't wait. EXT. CAR-- ZOOM, the car's off. Volume, WAY up. "Pour Some Sugar On Me" EXT. DEL MAR RACE TRACK -- DAY ANNOUNCER (O.S.) Thank you for coming out today to beautiful Del Mar. The first race will post in a few minutes. Time to get those bets in. It's a sun filled So. Cal. day. The two sit in some great box seats. The place is packed. Excitement in the air. BARRI That jack ass Tony got these tickets a while ago. So, today's on him. They clank beers together. They have the racing forms. Charts. Horse Bios. All the stuff. He looks at her and gets lost in her world fast. Then. BARRI (CONT'D) You takin Lust's Passion and I Wish You Were Dead in the 3rd? Box it? BRANDON Screw that. I'm goin Those Damn Yankees, V.D.'s No Fun and Sex Is Overrated in the 3rd. One. Two. Three. Let it ride baby! They laugh. Sip their beers. ANNOUNCER (O.S.) Ok, ladies and gentlemen, time to get your bets in for the third race. He struts down the stairs with more beers and some receipts. They clank their beers and sip. Excitement builds. TRACK/STANDS-- The horses are placed in their stalls, one by one. They buck and neigh. Jockeys intent. Horses settle. They know the drill. All settles down. Silence. Barri and Brandon observe with anticipation. Silence. Horses at the ready. Sweat drips from their nostrils. Black eyes gaze at the open turf ahead of them. One jockey looks at another, then ahead. Silence. Stillness. Beauty. Then, RING! The doors fly open. The muscle bound animals are off in a FLURRY. The two gaze at the thundering hurd. They glance at their forms. Horses battle for the lead. Jockeys SMACK them with their whips to gain an edge. Hoofs send turf skyward. One takes the lead. Then another. Close. Close. Closer. Their heads snap down to their forms. Then back up to the action. Anticipation. Arms around each other. They jump up and down. Total excitement! The horses run, run, run, faster. It's close, close, close. Then, three horses run one, two, three across the finish line. Brandon's face is flush. HE WON! Boy is this his lucky day. They hug and kiss. They settle down and sit. He on the aisle. BARRI Dinner's on you buddy ... So, ya think it's time to talk about something? BRANDON Yea, I do. Listen Barri ... Right then, a hand grabs the winning ticket and RIPS it out of his hand. He looks. TOTAL SHOCK! JULIE FOR A SMART GUY, YOU CAN BE PRETTY DAMN STUPID SOMETIMES! WHAT, KEVIN GET A SEX CHANGE? TURN INTO A WHORE? And there's Julie with her posse, Laura and Rachael. Hell hath no furry like a woman scorned. Right Julie? BRANDON Best Doctor is San Diego. Right Kevin? JULIE SHUT UP YOU LIAR! I thought you had PLANS. FOR US! NOT HER! She looks at the ticket. He knows what's coming. JULIE (CONT'D) Looks like your lucky day ASSHOLE. She rips the ticket to shreds. His head goes down. Tears come to her eyes. Her friends come to her side. Arms around her. The surrounding fans get what's goin on. JULIE (CONT'D) Does Tony know about this little arrangement? He looks at Barri. Please, don't. Please, don't. BARRI Tony and I broke up. That's it. He's officially dead. JULIE WHAT! YOU SON OF A ... She goes to him and smacks his chest with her fist. BRANDON Julie, this is NOT what it looks like ... FAN1 Shut up JERK and let her talk! JULIE Jesus Brandon, after all I've gone through with you. And this is how I get treated? LIES. ALL LIES! BRANDON Julie ... She backs off him. Back to her friends. Crying big time. JULIE Ya hit a few homers in the minors. Gain some confidence. Act like a MAN for once. Then call yourself up to the majors. Don't wanna play in the small parks anymore? You JERK! BARRI Julie, let me ... FAN2 Shut up skank. Let he say her piece. JULIE I've HAD IT WITH YOU! I don't EVER want to see your LYING face again! She throws the ticket remnants at him. The girls escort her up the stairs. She balls out loud. All of a sudden. FAN1 You got some nerve you cheatin BASTARD. Then, popcorn, beer, condiments start flying their way. They cover themselves. INT. SPORTSMAN -- NIGHT Barri and Brandon sit at the bar. Mustard, ketchup, beer stained shirts. BARRI Well, that was one hell of a date. Actually, I think it turned out ok. Sip of beer. BRANDON What are you talkin about? BARRI It gives US a chance at makin a go of it. BRANDON Yea, I guess it does at that. He thinks hard. Takes a sip of beer. Does he really want this? BARRI So, where do we take it from here? Your place or mine? INT. BARRI'S CAR -- NIGHT They drive in silence. He stares out the window and watches the lights go by like a zombie. He thinks. Thinks hard. No lively banter. INT. BARRI'S APARTMENT. -- CONT They are on the couch. Wine. Music. Fire. Perfect place for sex. He has no shirt on and she wears a Padres jersey. That's all. BARRI Well, I think ya joined the rest of us on this planet today buddy. Welcome to the club. Wine glasses clank. He's distant. What the heck is he gonna do? BRANDON Any club that would have me as a member, probably isn't such a great club to be in. BARRI It's called the human race. She gets closer. Looks sexy. He's unsure. FLASHBACK-- Julie and Brandon joke at work. Laugh. Walk on the waterfront. BRANDON (V.O.) I think it's called love. APARTMENT-- She's closer to him. She want's it. BARRI Do you know how to love Brandon? FLASHBACK-- Julie and him at the batting cages. Her at his softball games. She jumps on him in the parking lot of the restaurant with Rubin in the f.g. Them in BED! APARTMENT-- He's made up his mind. BRANDON Yes. Yes I do. And I'm in love with Julie. BARRI What!? BRANDON Listen Barri, we've known each other for so long, we're like brother and sister. You're one of my best friends. I don't want to blow that. BARRI What if I do. BRANDON I won't let it happen. Julie and I, we share something in common. It's like she was put on this planet for me. Soul mates, I think that's what ya call it. BARRI Yea, that's it ... Then why did you ask me on a date you idiot. I was actually falling for you. BRANDON Barri, I'm so sorry. Blame it all on me. But I had to find out. And I'm glad I did ... Don't ya see. We would be making the biggest mistake ever. Sex would ruin everything ... honestly, I think I was more infatuated with you than in love with you. BARRI You know how many times I've heard that. I swear, there's a curse for having this body and this face. BRANDON Barri, you're a beautiful person. You'll find somebody. Somebody who's got it all. And I'll help you. BARRI Maybe you're right. We could go in that room and kill a life long friendship. That would pretty much suck. I couldn't imagine life without you buddy. He smiles. Gets a sexy tone. BRANDON Actually, I was thinkin right here would be the perfect place. GOD, would it be PERFECT. She looks at him. Softly. Sexy. BARRI It is! Wow is she hot. They laugh and sip some wine. BARRI (CONT'D) Well, this certainly isn't the way I thought tonight was going to turn out. BRANDON Welcome to my world. BARRI So, Mr. Romance, you screwed yourself pretty good today. You got any plans on how you're gonna dig yourself out a that grave. He looks at her. BRANDON She's my first real girlfriend. I have NO idea. They laugh and then quiet down. BRANDON (CONT'D) Ya know, I would a been pretty damn good. BARRI Parson, you'd a been putty in my hands. Smiles. INT. MORTGAGE COMPANY -- DAY Brandon is at his desk and looks like crap. He glances towards the vacant receptionist area. No Julie. No beautiful rose. No break room. Nothin. He looks down. Keith startles him. KEITH Where's Julie? Brandon jumps. BRANDON Ya know, you otta be a cop. Never see ya comin. KEITH In nine years, that girl ain't never missed one day. Not one. Now, she decides to take an extended vacation. (gets close) Ya didn't DO anything stupid, did ya honky? Brandon looks at him like a puppy looks at his owner after he pooped on the carpet. GUILTY AS CHARGED. BREAK ROOM-- Keith and Brandon look like they argue. They get up and walk out of the room. BRANDON'S DESK-- He plops down on his seat. Keith picks up the phone and shoves it in Brandon's face. KEITH (CONT'D) Call her! INT. JULIE'S ROOM -- DAY Julie's in bed when her Sara Mc Lachlan ringer goes off. She looks at it. No way. She throws it across the room. SLAP, up against the wall. She grabs some tissues and wipes her red, swollen eyes. Then, she snuggles into the comforter and lies on her side with a blank stare on her face. KEITH (V.O.) Listen honky, you screwed up by keepin secrets. If there's one thing five years of marriage has taught me Closer in on Julie's face. KEITH (V.O.) (CONT'D) other than shakin my head in agreement and sayin it's my fault Closer on her face. KEITH (V.O.) (CONT'D) is, ya gotta be totally honest with her. Closer. KEITH (V.O.) (CONT'D) Listen honky, they'll always find out, and they'll NEVER forget. Julie closes her eyes. Slumber. EXT. RESTAURANT PATIO -- DAY Kevin, John, Barri and Brandon eat some sandwiches at a near by deli. JOHN I say ya dress up, ya buy some flowers, ya buy a bottle of wine, ya go to her house and ya ring that bell till she opens the door. KEVIN Or calls the cops. JOHN Or calls the cops. BRANDON That's a hell of an idea. And after she gets the restraining order, I can throw the roses at her like darts at a dartboard KEVIN I seen ya throw from right field, chocolates. If you're gonna be throwin stuff, definitely chocolates. Stand a better chance of actually gettin to her. EXT. WATERFRONT -- CONT Julie walks with Laura and Rachael. BARRI (V.O.) Listen Brandon, whatever I can do to help, I will. The three continue to walk. Faces are serious and talk is plenty. JOHN (V.O.) I'm serious. Barri, don't women love getting flowers? BARRI (V.O.) On Valentine's Day ... Yea, flowers are a pretty good idea. They sit down and look at the beautiful bay. Julie wipes a small tear from her eye. This place is special to her. KEVIN (V.O.) I don't know man, whenever I'm in the dog house, I take Mary to her favorite restaurant. If I can get her in the car. The three get up and walk away. They leave the bench EMPTY. KEVIN (V.O.) (CONT'D) I tell ya, that make up sex is better than plane ole sex. Almost makes gettin in the fight worth it. SMASH CUT TO PATIO-- BRANDON That's it! If she won't take any of my calls, I'll pry her out of the house. She won't be able to resist! He blasts up from his seat. BRANDON (CONT'D) Thanks guys. I owe ya one. He's off to his car. Kevin yells out. KEVIN And if ya ever use me as an alibi again, I'll kill ya! ... (to the table) I knew she was the one all along. EXT. JULIE'S HOUSE -- DAY- Brandon hides across the street. The Fed Ex guy pulls up to her house and rings the bell. Julie answers with with a surprised look. She signs for the large envelope and opens it. She glances down to see two Padre tickets for Saturday. She shakes her head and slams the door. SMACK. Brandon's excitement turns to dread. He's determined though. INT. PETCO PARK -- DAY Brandon sits down next to an empty seat. He's full of anticipation. She can't refuse a Pad's game. He takes a bite of his hot dog. Yea, that tastes pretty damn good. Score board shows sixth inning. Pad's up on the Astros, 4-1. The batter knocks a base hit and the crowd cheers for the home team. Brandon is still alone. NO JULIE. She blew him off. He gets it and snaps up to bail on the game. As he exits, he heaves a scrunched up hot dog wrapper on the ground. EXT. JULIE'S HOUSE -- DAY Brandon has decided to sit this one out. The same Fed Ex guy is at Julie's door. She smiles at him, as he hands over the large envelope and turns back to his truck. Again, she tugs on the line that cuts through the shallow cardboard and spots two tickets to the Flower and Gardening Show on Saturday. EXT. SAN DIEGO CONVENTION CENTER -- DAY Again, Brandon waits with heightened anticipation. He's positioned himself directly outside the entrance. He checks his watch. 12:30pm. People mill about and enter the building. He scans the people, the scene. Nothing yet. But it's early. The watch shows 4:30pm and he's ALONE. People start to filter out of the building. He stares at the ground. His gaze does not move. Finally, he gets up from a waist high cement barrier wall that he uses as a seat and shrugs off. NO JULIE. EXT. JULIE'S HOUSE -- DAY The same Fed Ex guy is on Julie's porch. They smile at each other, as they are old buddies by now. He turns and leaves. She opens the envelop with attitude and her face shows SHOCK. Oh My GOD! Sarah Mc Lachlan tickets! Saturday night. INT. COX ARENA -- NIGHT-- He's in his seat. Again, he looks for her, but this time, it's a lock. She simply can't refuse this gig. He checks is watch, as the arena quickly fills to capacity. One seat in the house remains empty. The house lights go down and the place goes crazy. He continues to search. Sarah's on her encore. "In The Arms of the Angels." He sits, ALONE. Blank stare. Hollow. An enamored couple sit next to him as they hug, kiss, hold hands. Sarah's magical vocals and band engulf the arena. The reality starts to filter in. She's gone. He lost her. He BLEW IT. Closer on his disappointed face. Closer. Closer. Yep, that's a tear. He wipes it away with his finger. Sarah's vocals fade out with reverb. FADE TO BLACK BRANDON (V.O.) When she didn't show for Sarah, I figured that was that. INT. SPORTSMAN -- NIGHT Barri and Brandon are at the bar with a few beers. He's upset, even mad. BRANDON I mean we did nothing wrong. This whole thing is just one huge misunderstanding ... In fact, I did the RIGHT thing, and I'm still gettin nailed for it. This is bullshit! He takes a sip. BARRI Did ya write her a letter, email? BRANDON I did everything imaginable short of hiring my cousin Vinnie to kidnap her, tie her up, and tape her mouth shut, so I could finally get a word in. BARRI Might not be a bad idea. He looks at her. They smile and both tilt their beers for one more sip. BARRI (CONT'D) Listen Parson, you still in love with her? BRANDON I'm pissed at her is what I am. So, yea, I guess that means I'm in love with her ... I tell ya, this whole love thing can sure drive ya nuts. BARRI Welcome to my world. They look at each other and clank their beers. INT. JULIE'S HOUSE -- NIGHT Julie's in the living room with Rae and Rufus. They watch a stimulating game of Wheel of Fortune. All of a sudden, KNOCK, KNOCK. She looks surprised. Better not be him. She gets up. KNOCK, KNOCK. JULIE I'm comin. Hold your ... Julie swings the door open and there stands the she devil herself, Barri. Julie is stunned. JULIE (CONT'D) Horses. BARRI Listen Julie, we need to talk NOW! INT. HOUSE -- CONT They sit on opposite sides of the room. Julie holds a pillow for support. Rae behind her. Rufus on her lap. She almost shakes with disdain. BARRI Julie, you have to hear this, then I'll go. What you saw the other day was a total mistake. JULIE What happened to Tony? BARRI He was giving a well endowed nurse a breast exam, for free. Seems he's quite the philanthropist. He'll be walking a bit gingerly for the next few weeks. The two lock eyes. They share a SMILE. JULIE Why didn't he tell me? BARRI YOU have to ask him that one. Ya got me. JULIE I don't want to talk to him. BARRI Julie, common, NOTHING happened between us. Listen, I'm not gonna lie, after Tony, I was vulnerable. I needed somebody. He was the closest victim. But that's just me being selfish. He backed off because of YOU. He said that he loves YOU and that I should warm up to you cause you're gonna be around for a while. Julie gets a relieved look on her face. Signs of life. JULIE He said that? No, not really. But it sure sounds good. Get this chick off her butt. BARRI No. I'm makin this shit up as I go along. Of course he said that ... Julie, any girl who has that kind of dedication from a guy these days, better take advantage of it. She stands up. BARRI (CONT'D) He loves you Julie. He's a great guy. Don't blow it. She walks to the door. BARRI (CONT'D) There's a game on Saturday. I think you should show up, or that love and dedication might start fading away. To where, who knows? She opens the door and leaves. THUD. The door shuts. Julie jumps. She's lost in thought. Julie and her mom look at each other. Rae's reaction says, better get off your butt girl, or he's goin elsewhere. I ain't gonna be around forever. She pets Rufus, who jumps to the floor and runs away. She's alone. PORCH-- Barri smiles. Why? EXT. SOFTBALL FIELD -- DAY Brandon is up to bat. Here comes the ball. Eyes open. Eyes open. Keep those eyes open. Ball approaches. Closer. Then, eyes close, SWOOSH. STRIKE THREE!!! He gets pissed and slams the end of the bat against the plate. CATCHER Told ya. Outfield, back up. BRANDON Next time, that's your head Thompson. He walks to the dugout and looks in the stands. Barri, Mary, Keith and his wife, others, no Julie. Forget her anyway. Who needs her? BARRI (to brandon) Somebody get up on the wrong side of the bed? BRANDON Who said that somebody slept. FIELD-- Brandon has been relegated to catcher. He has a stupid mask on and looks like an idiot. He warms up the pitcher, who just happens to suck. BRANDON (CONT'D) Hey Tom, you drunk? The plate's over here. PARKING LOT-- A car parks. And who gets out? Julie, Laura, Rachael and JEFF, 29. They gingerly walk to the field. Jeff wears some small ear phones connected to a portable radio. Julie stops close to Brandon, behind the fence. The others head to the stands. FIELD-- The first batter steps up to the plate. Brandon bends down. Maybe the pitcher is drunk. He misses bad. BALL. He whips the ball back to the pitcher and just happens to look to his right. And there SHE is. Holy crap. He almost loses his balance and falls on his butt. She smiles a bit and looks to the ground. His attention remains on her. The next pitch comes in and luckily was way outside. It lands and rolls to the back stop. He comes too, grabs it and heaves it back with force. He thinks. Remembers, and get's pissed. Barri sees that she showed up and smiles. It worked. FIELD/JULIE/STANDS BRANDON (CONT'D) Ya missed a hell of a concert. Sarah was on FIRE! JULIE Yea, well if the tickets were delivered in person, maybe I would a gone. In comes a ball. The batter hits one to short. They actually make a play. One out. The stands listen to the argument with interest. BRANDON Oh, that's a bunch of CRAP, and you know it! You NEVER would of opened that door. JULIE How do you know, you never TRIED! In comes another ball. It's way off the mark. He nabs it and throws it back with the speed of a Nolan Ryan fast ball. BRANDON TRIED? I never TRIED! Am I talkin to the same girl that got Padre, Flower Show AND Sarah tickets? People in the stands. Padre tickets, Sarah, oh my ... The umpire looks at both of them and bends down to speak to Brandon. He whispers. UMPIRE If your laundry's's dirty kid, I think ya better clean it some place else. (loud) Cause we got a game to play! JULIE You just don't UNDERSTAND! In comes another pitch that's way off the mark. This time he's so upset he doesn't even look at the pitcher as he throws it back. The ball flies into center field. BRANDON Just what the HELL does that mean, I don't understand? I UNDERSTAND I was TRYIN to reach out, I was TRYIN to explain what happened, I was TRYIN to open your eyes, I was TRYIN to tell you that I LOVE YOU! In comes another ball. The batter nails it to right field. Caught. Out number two. Stands. "Oh he must really love her." Laura and Rachael look at each other. Jeff shakes his head in disgust. Don't know why. Barri is impressed by her friend's passion. JULIE Why didn't you tell me about Tony? Why the lies if nothin was goin on with Barri? The mask is crooked, and he look like a total fool. BRANDON I didn't want you gettin all freaked out that she was single again. I don't know, I panicked. I've never been in this position before. Barri and I are good friends. I knew I'd be seeing her. I didn't want you getting JEALOUS! UMPIRE Bad move kid. Ya gotta be honest ... BRANDON Just call the game! And give us a break, I think Tom downed a six pack before he got here! In comes another ball. SMACK, to the third baseman. He makes the play. Third out. Brandon charges to the dugout. NEAR DUGOUT-- Julie stomps to the break in the fence near the dugout. They're like two rams ready to butt heads. He's so riled up, the mask stays on. Showdown time. JULIE Parson, get over here NOW! He walks over. Stands quite. Players quite. Other team, quiet. All familiar faces shown, intent on the outcome. Except Jeff. JULIE (CONT'D) If you EVER lie to me again, I swear, I'll ... KEITH Cut his nuts off! His wife smacks him on the arm. Julie can't resist anymore. After all, this is Brandon. She smiles. Total silence. A pin drop could be heard even on the infield grass. Then, Julie laughs. Brandon looks around. What the hells so funny? JULIE If you ever lie to me again, I'm gonna staple that mask to your face. Then you can lie all ya want, cause it ain't gonna mean a thing to anybody. He whips the mask off. There he is. JULIE (CONT'D) (tears) Oh Parson, I missed you soo much. I love you. BRANDON I missed you to Julie. I love you. They embrace so thigh, breath is hard to come by. They kiss. Everybody sighs in relief. Claps and whistles. Barri tears up. Whew, at least that's over. UMPIRE Enough General Hospital. Let's Play Ball! PLATE-- All are in the stands with looks of relief, happiness even joy. They all talk, smile, laugh. All tied up. The Frogs actually have a shot. And who walks to the plate? Julie stands up and places her hands around her mouth like a megaphone. She yells. JULIE Common Parson, just like when we were kissing the other night. Keep your eyes open you idiot! Silence. People hold in their laughs and cover their faces. Finally the ump starts to chuckle. Then, he can't hold it and laughs out loud. It's like a dam breaking. Everybody cracks up, including Kevin and John. Brandon shakes his head at the plate. Then. CATCHER Easy out. Common in outfield. They move in. SLOW MOTION--PITCHER/BALL/BATTER The pitcher winds up with a arrogant smirk. The ball leaves his hand and flies through the air. Ball in flight. Seams visible. His eyes open, for now, fixed on the ball. Closer. Eyes open. Closer. Eyes open. He starts his swing. Eyes open. The ball almost crosses the plate. Swing in motion. Bat flies into position. EYES STILL OPEN and BAM! REAL TIME-- He kills one over the left fielders head. Shocked look on his face. He clumsily runs to first. He rounds first, as the crowd goes crazy. He makes second and almost trips over it. He looks at the third base coach. He waves him around. Stands go nuts. Except Jeff. He heads for third. Winded. Slows down. Legs feel like Jell-O. GO GO yells the third base coach. Oh my God, a home run? He rounds third. Gassed. Heads for home. Ball flies through the air. Gonna be close. The next batter tells him to hurry. Ball and Brandon meet at home at the same time. SMACK. Into the catcher's glove. And. CRASH! The catcher and Brandon collide. Both hit the deck. The ball wiggles out of the catchers glove UMPIRE SAFE! The place goes nuts! Frogs win! Teammates, all friends surround HIM. VICTORY! FADE TO BLACK EXT. FIELD -- DAY People disburse, as friends congratulate the two. Kevin, Brandon and John Hi Five each other. Then Kevin and John take off. Laura, Rachael and Jeff walk towards their car. Jeff goes NUTS. JEFF Yea, Yea, hell yea, The Chargers just scored. Rachael looks at him, as she shakes her head and smiles. RACHAEL At least somebody's scorin today. He looks at her confused. What did she say? Barri, Brandon and Julie walk to the parking lot. Brandon and Barri drink some cokes, and Brandon has his arm firmly placed around Julie. JULIE So Barri, when you find a guy, maybe we can double. BARRI I'm in no hurry. This time, I'm really takin it slow. But hey, third wheel? JULIE Absolutely. Smiles. Julie and Brandon kiss. BRANDON Make up time? They smile at each other. Then, they walk by a trash can. Barri and Brandon throw the coke's into the rusty can. The three continue to walk. They become smaller. Field gets smaller. JULIE (O.S.) As long as Brandon ain't drivin. The Dairy Queen is right next to the field. It becomes larger. Larger. BRANDON (O.S.) Just keep your hands off me, and I can keep it between the white lines. The old wood TABLE is in view. BARRI (O.S.) Tell ya what, you two can sit in back and play Patty Cake while I drive ya to the Prom. Laughs. The TABLE is almost life size. Two freshmen students sit at it. They sip on some cokes. A tall lanky guy and a beautiful blonde girl. BARRI (V.O.) Oh, hey Brandon, nice hit. BRANDON (V.O.) Oh, hey Barri, I KNOW! Laughs. FADE OUT-- THE END