Worthy
						By: Shayla Carr

	As I looked out the  window, comtemplating whether or not I was worthy to be loved, I couldn't help but know I'm not. David meant the world to me, but I was unable to show him. He wanted so much love from me but I always found a way to run and hide. My whole life had just been in big wreck and I just found a way to make it worse. Tears formed in my eyes as I looked back on the day I walked out on the only person that ever loved me.
	We stood in the livng room of our three bedroom apartment. We had just argued about where we would eat the next day: his parents house or mine's. I wasn't really a daddy's girl or mommy's princess, it was always my older sister, Nicole. She was always beauitful, she's the ideal daughter. She's small, like a model, and she's gorgeous. She never had a problem getting a date in high school. No one believed that we were related, let alone sister, blood sisters. But whenever my parents saw me, they found someone they had by accident. I never got prasied for anything I did, including graduating high school and beign accepted in a great college. They were only happy that I was leaving their house. Nicole was perfect, and I, Summer, was different not fat but not skinny. So what I had a little meat on my bones, what made me so different from Nicole? 
	"Summer, it's going to be okay," David told me, "You think I'll leave you with your parents? I know how you feel about them, and Nicole's going to be home. I know better than that."
	"I'm just not ready to see them. We've been together three years and I finally found a way for them not to screw one of my relationships. I-I'm not ready to tell them yet, David."
	"How long do we have to wait? How long do we have to wait until we get married, or start a family? Stop revovling our world around there's!"
	I sat down on the couch because I knew what he was telling was true. I kept a lot of things from my parents and my sister. They didn't know the real me. The only thing thay knew was that my name was Summer Eliza Pauletti and I was 23 years old and I had been seeing this guy named David Gold. They didn't know who I was.
	"I'm ready to tell my parents, and if-when we tell yours, if they don't accept it then my family would be happy to have you."
	"I'm not telling them, David. Stop pressuring me."
	"What are you talking about? I letting you know that I will wait for you...doesn't matter how long!"
	"Yes, it does. Next week we will be having the same conversation. You always pressure me into doing something with you."
	"What are you talking about?"
	"I'm talking about how you always want me to do something that only benefits you! When we first met, you begged me for months to have sex with you, and I didn't want to. And when I finally did, you wanted it every night. I can't win for lose with you!"
	"Summ-I can't believe that you think that. I'm not only thinking about me in our relationship. Or maybe you don't won't this to work out. You wanna leave, is that what you want?"
	"I didn't say that."
	"You're right, you didn't say that, you were thinking that. But if you wanna leave Summer, I'm not going to stop you. I can't and I won't. This is your way out. Take it or leave it."	
	"Fine," I told him. I grabbed my jacket, my purse and my car keys and I walked out. I don't know what was wrong, but I knew it wasn't right. I got in my 2005 Range Rover and back out of the driveway. I didn't know where I was headed but anywhere was better than home. Anywhere was better than anything, for that matter. I thought about going to my parents house. Maybe since I had the feeling that I could tell the truth it was time to tell them everything.
	I pulled into the driveway. Turn my car off, but I couldn't move. I was stuck. I tried to get out of the car but nothing happened. I notice Nicole's car in the driveway. I put my keys back into the ingition and started to back out of the driveway. Then I saw someone coming out of the house. It was my mother.
	"Summer? Is that you?"
	"Yeah, Ma, it's me."
	"Baby, David's been calling. He's really worried about you."
	"We had a fight. It's no big deal."
	"Why don't you come in? I'll fix something for you, and we can talk."
	I thought about it as being the mother-daugther bonding we never had. 
	"Sure, I'll come in."
	I got out the car and started walking up the walk way. Then I notice my mother grab my hand. She seemed happy to see me. She made it seem like she missed me. We made it into the kitchen and I took a seat at the table.
	"So," she asked.
	"What?"
	"You and David? How are you guys?"
	"Mom, I just told you that we had a fight."
	"Well, you want to talk about that?"
	Did I wanna tell my mom everything about David? I wanted to get a lot of my chest so I took a chance.
	"Umm...we were talking about where we would eat dinner at. We were either going to come here or go over his parents house. But I didn't want to come here, so I thought we should go to his parents house."
	"Why wouldn't you wanna come here?"
	"Because Nicole's here. And you guys never see her-"
	"We never see you, either."
	"But Nicole's always been your favorite."
	"That's not true!"
	I felt myself growing angry.
	"Yes, it is. Nicole has always been better to me. It seemed like you never wanted me here."
	"Summer, stop it. I don't know what to say."
	"You never do."
	What was I doing? I saw a tear in my mother's eye. I had became some monster. I had finally made my mother cry. Then I felt something coming up my throat. I ran to the bathroom, leaned over the toliet and throw up my lunch from ealier.
	"Are you okay?"
	"Yeah. Umm..is it okay if I spend the night. I really don't wanna go home."
	"Of course it's okay if you stay here. This will always be your home, Summer, always. And if you wanna talk, I'll be in the kitchen making a snack."
This was my chance to tell my mom everything. I had to risk this moment, because I knew that I would never have a moment like this ever again. I made my way to the kitchen, where my mom was taking out some turkey, mustard, and bread.
	"I guess you wanna talk?"
	"I don't want to, Mom, I need to. There's so much you and dad don't know about me. I-"
	"We know more than you think. We know all about David. He visit us a couple times after we first met him. He's a wonderful guy, perfect for you. I'm so proud of you for finding the right guy. He tells me that you don't think me and your father are proud of you. Do you actually believe that?"
	"Mom? I just thought because you never showed me the love you had shown Nicole, that I was different. And maybe somehow you loved me less."
	"We love you all the same. Truthfully, Nicole is your dad's favorite, your mine's. I've always admired you. You were so strong and yet, you kept us locked out. And I'm proud of you for everything you've done. I'm happy you kept us locked out. Nicole isn't doing so well, you know why? Because she was always depending on us. But you, you're so independent but I'm afraid that you'll never wanna see us again, Summer. I don't want to lose my favorite daughter."
I couldn't help it. I just cried, but they weren't sad tears, they were happy tears. I thought I had the worst mom in the world, but in reality I had the greatest mom in the world. And now I so grateful for her. 
	"I love you, Mom. I really do," I told her.
Nicole then stepped in the kitchen.
	"What's going on?" she asked, "Hey Summer. I didn't know you would be home until, like tomorrow."
	"I just came to see Mom. Oh, and that reminds me, Mom, I have something to tell you. Nic, you should come and sit to."
Nicole came and sat next to my mother.
	"Okay, so Mom and Nic, David and I are engaged. We getting married in like, 6 months, or something."	
The respones on their faces told me that they were so proud of me and that they were really happy.
	"And Mom, you're going to be a grandma."
	"What?!?!?" Nicole asked.
	"I'm pregnant. About 12 weeks. David doesn't know yet."
	"Why doesn't David know."
	"Well, I was waiting to tell him for his birthday, but we just had that arguement. I really don't think he wants to talk to me."
	"Wow, my baby sis, is having a baby. Oh gosh."
We stood in the kitchen for a while and talked, about the furture, about the past. It was something I thought would never happen. The came a knock at the door.
	"I'll get it," Nicole said.
When she returned, David was right behind her.
	"David?" I said.
	"We'll give you two a moment," my Mom told me.
Nicole and my mother walked out of the kitchen. I lost my breath for a second. It got hard for me to stand. I took a seat on one of the stools closest to me.
	"What are you doing here?"  I asked him.
	"I got worried when you didn't come back home."
He stood there and put his hands inside of his jacket.
	"Are you okay?" He asked.
	"Yeah, I was going to spend the night here, until things cooled down."
	"I don't want this, Summer. We've never had a fight like this, and when you left I realized you're the only one I want to be with. Nobody else is right for me. And if they are I don't wanna find them, because you're the one I want."
	"David, I just needed some time, to relax. Things have just gotten more complicated for me, and that makes it complicated for us."
	"Just talk to me, Summer."
	"I've been pulling myself away from you."
	"I can see that. You've been acting a little weird since you had that doctor's appointment."
	"That's because I'm pregnant."	
I think I heard his heart jump or skip a beat.
	"Pregnant? We're going to have a baby?"
He walk towards me and grabbed my for a hug. He then lifted my head and kissed me.
	"I love you, Summer."
Tears started running down my face. I felt so happy.
	"I love you."
	"Let's go home."
	"Okay. Let me say good night to my mom."
	"Okay."	
I went to call for my mom, who was in the living room. When I went in the room completely, I saw my dad sitting in his chair.
	"Hi, Dad."
	"Summer."
At that moment I realized my father was so coldhearted towards me.
	"Mom, can I talk to you in the kitchen?"
My mom got up off the sofa, and met me in the kitchen.
	"Well, David and I are about to go back home."
	"Okay. I glad you stopped over."
	"Yeah, me too. But I think it would be great if, David and I and his family came over for dinner tomorrow. Would that be okay?"
	"Yes. I can't wait."
We hugged for a while. Then I wanted to say goodbye to my father. And introduce him to David.
	"Hey, Dad. I know you know him, but I think you should know that David and I are getting married, and we're going to have a baby."
	He didn't say anything, he just sat there, blank. He did even look up at me. I was really hurt. I turned around to walk out. I wanted so badly for him to call my name. I just kept walking, wishing he would call me, but it never happened. Finally I reached the door, and still no words. I got in my car and started it up. I looked up once more to see if he made it to the door. No one. I pulled off and followed David home. 
	When we got home, David called his parents to set our dinner plans.They thought it was a great idea and they agreed to come over. I settled into our bed and turned on the t.v. I wanted for David to take his shower, so he could just hold me. When he got out the shower, he dressed and layed next to me.
	"Could you hold me?"
	"Yeah."
He put his arm around me and pulled me close. Then the phone rung, all the way in the living room. 
	"I'll get it."
	"No, I'll go. You just got out the shower. Just relax. I'll be right back."
I got up to get the phone. 
	"Hello?"
	"Summer, daddy just had a heart attack."
It was Nicole. She told me that my father collapse shortly after David and I left. And she and my mother wanted me to come to the hospital. I ran back to my room and got dressed.