CODE MONKEYS "You Say It's Your Birthday" Pilot written by Bobby Skinner

104 Tawny Ridge Lane Cary, NC 27513 (919)461-3685 Copyright (c) 2006, 2007, Bobby Skinner, All Rights reserved. Registered WGAe No. 147809 bobbyski@mac.com

INT. THE OFFICE - AFTERNOON

The camera should pan across the field of cubicles and finally settle on Brian's cube BRIAN (narrating - talking to the camera) HI, I am Brian and this is my life. What do I do? I come here five days a week and make my bosses rich. What do I get? ...

Richard walks into the scene and looks at Brian RICHARD (expressionless) Get back to work, do I pay you to sit around and talk? (keeps walking) BRIAN That was Dick... RICHARD (blandly, by rote as if he has said it a million) That's Richard! Richard exits the frame BRIAN ... he IS a .... well you can figure that out. Unfortunately he is my supervisor. He acts like he runs the place but he has

a manager, who has a manager - well lets just say he has a lot of asses to kiss. Lisa walks up, smiles and pops Brian on the leg, he falls off his chair in obvious pain, she grabs something off Brian's desk (the audience should see that it is his keys) LISA What's the matter Henderson? ... Can't take a punch from a little ol' girl? (laughs, and walks out) Brian, slowly gets up and back in his chair, wincing in pain BRIAN That was Lisa ... I hate her ... actually we have been friends since we were kids, we just never learned to be nice to each other.

Bill enters the scene BILL (laughing at Brian) Ready to go code monkey? Don't be late, the game starts at seven!

Bill starts to walk away speaking louder as he goes. BILL Don't waste too much time chasing Rachel!

BRIAN (looking a little embarrassed) That was Bill, the biggest geek in the

building, the only person I know that thinks Star Trek is real. We went to college together, he's a great friend, but he can be weird. brian turns to the computer, and the camera zooms in on the screen - a text editor with some source code on the screen BRIAN Why code monkey? This is why ... (points to code) BRIAN This is all we do all day, monkey around with this stuff. Who is Rachel? ... This is Rachel.

opens webcam image showing the beautiful receptionist BRIAN She is gorgeous, every guy in this department dreams of going out with her. But she doesn't go out with anyone without six figures in his salary. Like I said this is my life, but it is not all bad - I just bought my dream car ...

the webcam image switches to a mustang convertible in the parking lot, Lisa is getting in and waves at the camera then drives off (begin Code Monkey opening credits)

INT. SPORTS BAR - NIGHT

Brian Enters The Bar and angrily heads over to where Lisa is standing talking with Jerry, Bill and Valerie. BRIAN Very funny, where are my keys?! Lisa, pauses momentarily and then begins to laugh - obviously she has been drinking LISA Keys? What keys? (looks to Valerie sitting on bar stool) Have you seen Brian's keys?

VALERIE (trying to hold back her laughter) No... I haven't, where did you last see them? Lisa stands up on a bar stool LISA (yelling) Has anyone found Brian's keys?! Anyone... Jerry and Bill walk up, Jerry is holding a large birthday present. JERRY No keys here, but Happy Birthday! (hands Brian the box)

BILL Happy Birthday! By the way, I'm the designated driver tonight, I have all the keys. The entire bar starts to sing Happy Birthday, but midway through some one yells score and the whole bar cheers and stops singing BRIAN Thanks! (begins opening the gift noting the card) BRIAN Thanks to all of you.

Brian removes a Hurricanes Jersey from the box and puts it on JERRY The drinks are on me tonight, as many long island iced tea's as you can drink. BRIAN (still looking at the jersey) It's just what I wanted. The crowd moves to a nearby table where they all sit down. Valerie makes a point to sit beside Bill, it should be somewhat obvious that she is interested in him. JERRY (motioning to the bartender) Five long island iced teas over here, on my tab.

VALERIE Thanks for the round of drinks, Jer. bartender sets the drinks on the table in front of Brian BRIAN (looking at Valerie) I don't think you underst... JERRY (PLACING A HAND ON BRIAN'S SHOULDER) You Drink, I'll explain to the newbie. (PUSHES ANOTHER GLASS IN FRONT OF BRIAN) It all started when we were in college, we made a pact. On every birthday, the party does not start till you've downed a drink for every year since that day. VALERIE That doesn't seem very smart. JERRY It may not be smart, but it sure is fun. Well, for the rest of us. Last year I woke up on one of the statues at the capital building! VALERIE That doesn't seem so funny. BRIAN (finishing the last glass) Well, his clothes were on a different statue. I was rolling on the ground laughing so hard I nearly wet my pants. EDITOR'S NOTE: THIS MAY BE MORE FUNNY WITH A FLASHBACK. JERRY TRYING TO HIDE HIS PRIVATE PARTS FROM THE TOP OF THE STATUE. I AM NOT SOLD AS I THINK IT WILL TAKE AWAY THE

IMPACT OF THE NEXT SCENE. JERRY Unfortunately the cops weren't so amused. BILL Oooh no ... they laughed. They laughed like crazy when they called for the body cavity search. VALERIE He looks fine, those must not be very strong drinks. LISA Are you kidding? It's a mix of vodka, rum, gin, tequila and triple sec - I think the only thing stronger would be straight alcohol. (pauses) It just has not hit his brain yet. JERRY You will understand when you see this... VALERIE But he still looks fi...

You can hear "The Canes return to the ice." Brian suddenly jumps up on the table BRIAN Here I am ... (playing air guitar, and screaming the vocals as loud as he can) Rock you like a Hurricane... (vocals degrade as fading out) DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HOTEL ROOM - THE NEXT DAY The scene opens with a blurry image of Donna as seen through Brian's eyes after a hard night of drinking BRIAN I love you ... Donna The scene clears up to show an angry looking Lisa. Note in this scene Lisa should be wearing flattering but not overly sexy pajamas. Her expression should show booth surprise and anger. LISA Donna! (hits Brian with a pillow) Donna, do I look like that bitch? BRIAN I'm Sor... (gets hit with pillow) I'm ... (gets hit again) I'm Sorry! LISA (pinning Brian down) I can't believe that you were dreaming of her after last night. BRIAN (looks confused and worried) I ... I ... I can't imagine that I could be thinking about anything but you and me. LISA (leans down close to Brian as if to kiss him) You don't remember anything about last night, do you?

BRIAN (looks even more terrified) Of... Of course I do. LISA (a little smile starts to show as she looks in his eyes) You don't remember the ride to Dillon... (his eyes are wide open with terror now) ... or the little chapel? (pause) She can't fight back the laughter any further and burst out and falls face down on the pillow beside him. She should still be straddling him. BRIAN (the terror retreating from his face) So we didn't get married? LISA (laughing so hard she is shaking) No. BRIAN And we didn't.... LISA (laughing less hard now but still on the verge of tears) Nooo. She lays there calming down, as Brian's expression clearly changes to indicate he is piecing the night together. BRIAN Jerry was behind this wasn't he? LISA He wanted me to tell you happy birthday! Lisa is finally getting control of her laughter, suddenly she stops laughing and gets a strange look on her face

LISA You ... aren't wearing anything, are you? BRIAN (a small grin comes over his face) At the moment, I think the only thing I'm wearing is you! She jumps off him with an expression of disgust. LISA EEW! They both start laughing LISA (laughing) Oh well it's not like it's the first time that you have been naked with me. BRIAN No ... No, I guess not. DISSOLVE TO: INT. BRIAN'S CHILDHOOD HOME - FLASHBACK Frame shows 4 year old Brian and Lisa, sitting in a bubble bath. LISA If you tell anyone you are dead! (punches young Brian in the arm) BRIAN Never. (both show dead pan look) DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HOTEL ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

BRIAN (same dead pan look) This never happened! LISA Right. But I need a little more to pick on you about ... (laughing, she starts to lift the covers, but Brian stops her) Come on, it not like I have never seen it! BRIAN But I was four! (grips the covers and pulls them close to him) LISA Fine! (she grabs her clothes and walks toward the door) Besides, we have that company meeting in 25 minutes! (smiles) See you there. Lisa walks out the door as Brian stands up with the sheet wrapped around himself. Brian searches frantically for his clothes but can only find his new Hurricanes jersey and Lisa's keys BRIAN Figures... Brian walks out the door while carefully pulling the jersey down to keep himself covered (front and back) FADE TO:

INT. COMPANY CAFETERIA - MORNING The crowd other than Lisa and Brian are sitting in the back row with sunglasses - they all have obvious hangovers VALERIE Where are Lisa and Brian at? JERRY (small laugh) Oh, I am sure they will be here soon. (he smiles as he sees Lisa walking in) See, Here's Lisa now. LISA (whispering in Jerry's ear) Mission accomplished, but I feel a little guilty BILL What did you do? (Jerry just smiles) What did you do to him this year? VALERIE What? BILL Every time one of them has a birthday, the other pulls the biggest prank of the year. They are getting worse, someday someone is going to get hurt. JERRY It's not a big deal. BILL Are you kidding? ... didn't you have to go to the hospital last year to get the toilet seat unglued from your butt? JERRY And your point is?

BILL (disgusted) Never mind ... what did you do? JERRY We just left him pants-less. See, no big deal, no one got hurt. BILL And what happens when he doesn't show up for this mandatory meeting? ... Richard will finally get the excuse he needs to fire him. JERRY You guys are to afraid of ol' Dick! INT. JERRY'S OFFICE - MORNING

Brian enters Jerry's office (in such a way that you can see the name on the door). He begins looking around. He comes across a mini refrigerator and a Mountain Dew inside (either a large bottle or clear cup) you can see that it is full. BRIAN (talking softly to himself) I can't pass up a free mountain dew! Brian chugs the rest of the bottle and sets it on the desk where you can clearly see that it is now empty. BRIAN Do the Dew! He continues to search the office and steps into the closet. He steps out with a pair of pants on and holding the coat and shirt. BRIAN (smiling) Salesmen always keep an extra suit around. Brian tosses the coat on the desk and starts putting the shirt on. As he pulls the shirt closed to button it you hear

a loud rip. BRIAN CRAP! Brian takes off the shirt and looks through the large rip in the shirt. He bangs his head on the desk gently a couple of times - obviously disgusted and disheartened. After a brief pause Brian stands up grabs the mountain dew bottle and turns away from the camera. You hear the pants unzip and can see that he is apparently urinating. After a few moments you hear the pants zip back up and he sets the now full bottle on the desk. Brian goes back into the closet and comes out wearing the Jersey again. Grabs the bottle - seals it tight and places it back in the refrigerator. He smiles and begins whistling as he is walking out. FADE TO: INT. COMPANY CAFETERIA - MOMENTS LATER Brian quietly opens the door to the cafeteria and starts moving over toward his friends in the back of the room. The other see him, wearing the Hurricanes jersey start laughing quietly. You can see anger in Brian's expression . You can hear the CEO (Bobby) giving a speech about with a lot of boring economic jargon in it. Richard steps into the scene to cut Brian off. RICHARD (whispering but with the intensity of a yell) I can not believe that you would show up to a mandatory meeting this late and wearing ... BRIAN (somewhat meekly) but, it ...

RICHARD (more intently) I don't want to hear your excuses! I don't know who you think you are, but it takes a lot more than talent to make it in the real world. If you can't ... BRIAN (more forceful) Listen Dick, I'm ... RICHARD (angrily) Use my real name - I could fire you in a heartbeat ... BRIAN (loudly, with authority) You can't do anything Dick, you can't wipe your own ass without permission from H/R. If you want to face an H/R hearing you go right ahead. BOBBY What is going on back there? (points to Brian) You! Come up here. Brian and Richard begin walking toward the front podium. Richard uses the walk to whisper in Brian's ear. RICHARD (whispering again) He CAN fire you on the spot, your butt is mine! They approach the podium/stage. BOBBY What's your name, son? RICHARD Richard ... BOBBY I'm sorry, I was talking to you.

(gestures to Brian) BRIAN (looking a little uncertain) Brian Henderson, Sir. BOBBY I do not know how Mr. Henderson managed to figure it out, but as of today, We are an official advertising sponsor of the Carolina Hurricanes. Applause starts in the crowd. BOBBY (continues) We will be amending our dress code to allow you to wear Canes gear in the office. Applause grows. BOBBY (continues) I want to tell you thanks for another making it another great year. I thank you, the management thanks you and the stockholders thank you. (grabs Brian's hand and raises their hands in victory) Like the Canes we are a winning team! Go Canes! Applause burst into a standing ovation. Bobby waves to the crowd then exits an entourage of 8-10 "suits" follow him out the door. Richard trails them out the door. RICHARD (yelling) Mr. McNiel! Bobby turns back toward Richard and reaches out his hand to shake Richard's. BOBBY How may I help you?

RICHARD I wanted to discuss the boy you just praised on stage. I don't think h's the kind of employee that you want hold up as and example. BOBBY Who should I elevate? A middle manager like you? RICHARD Well, sir, I think that would be an improvement. I have studied your career and try to emulate your business style. BOBBY (surprised) Oh? RICHARD Yes, and I know that you wouldn't want a screw up like that bringing down the company. BOBBY I see so, Mr. Henderson's work is subpar? RICHARD Well, no, but he continually... BOBBY His coworkers don't want to work with him? RICHARD Uh, no, but you're missing the point. BOBBY No, I think you are missing the point, so I will spell it out for you. We did not become a 1.2 billion dollar company on what managers like you have done, we did it on the hard work of people like that young man. So if you really feel the need to kiss some ass, I suggest you kiss his.

He turns and starts to walk away then pauses, turns to one of the suits. BOBBY Find out that man's name and set up an H/ R hearing to find out if we really need him. SUIT Yes sir. Richard appears stunned. FADE TO: INT. JERRY'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON The group has gathered in Jerry's office. JERRY (looking at Bill) I told you not to worry, no harm can come from a silly practical joke. BILL (rolling eyes) right. BRIAN Do you really think we can go too far? JERRY No such thing! LISA You could have at least told me that you had stripped him! JERRY It's not like you have never been there before. LISA AND BRIAN (unison, shocked) What?!

VALERIE Oh, you are kidding right? LISA (with a disapproving glare) Ah ... No. JERRY No one argues they way you two do, unless they've had sex! Jerry reaches down to the mini fridge and takes out the "mountain dew" BRIAN That is insane. LISA Only you would think that! BILL Well, I always assumed you had. VALERIE Yeah, me too. LISA Well we never did! BRIAN And never will thank God! Lisa looks a little angry and throws Brian's keys at him, he catches them before they hit him in the face. LISA (smiling) I could tell this morning that you don't really feel that way! VALERIE, BILL AND JERRY Oooooh! BRIAN (embarrassed) I did call you Donna didn't I?

VALERIE That is cold. Lisa throws the keys, hitting Brian in the chest BRIAN What the ... stop throwing things! LISA Just be thankful I aimed high! Jerry opens the bottle and starts to lift it to drink BRIAN Whatever ... I suggest we stop this whole practical joke thing. What do you say? JERRY (setting the bottle down) You have got to be kidding. That was such a good one, I don't think I can wait till next year to top it - you better be looking over your shoulder! Jerry starts to reach for his soda BRIAN Can you at least give me my pants back? Jerry puts the bottle down, opens his brief case, pulls out a pair of pants and throws them to brian, who steps into the closet to change. JERRY What no show for the Girls? VALERIE Woohoo! shake it baby! LISA Neh, No one wants to see that! JERRY Check the pockets - we all chipped in and got you a couple of playoff tickets. Lisa, Valerie, Bill and Jerry all sing happy birthday.

BRIAN Thanks to all of you! Jerry starts to take a sip but a pair of pants hits him in the head. JERRY Hey! you almost made me spill my dew! Brian is walking out of the closet and past Jerry BRIAN Last chance man, want to call a truce on the jokes? JERRY (laughing) You've got to be kidding! Brings the bottle to his mouth to take a big chug BRIAN Happy early birthday, man! Brian starts to run right as Jerry begins drinking. Almost immediately he spews the "mountain dew" out JERRY AAArrgh! What the --?! Jerry throws the bottle at Brian, shot freezes with bottle in mid-flight. Roll credits.

FIN